preteen

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Don’t Go To Bed Mad


Don't Go To Bed MAD!

I really do not remember when I was taught the concept, however, I do know I always taught my girls to ‘never go to bed mad’.  Walking out of the room and cooling down before you say something you will regret is one thing, but, allowing it to fester and develop in to real ‘soul’ problems between one another is sin.  It also can be very hard to live with should a tragedy strike before you resolve an issue.  Remember, words out of the mouth cannot go back in any easier than pushing toothpaste back in the tube.

Today is my middle brother Bobby’s birthday.  He was killed in a plane crash in 1997.  Earlier that day he called me about something to do with the new church our families were helping start.  It was a good talk, we laughed and we said “love you” .   (I have an earlier blog post about helping children through HARD TIMES).  I have always been so thankful that we talked that morning.  Two hours later I received the phone call that his plane had catastrophic engine failure and crashed.  He was gone in a blink of an eye.

Growing up Bobby picked on me, A LOT!  It is safe to say we did not get along and I did not always like him.  As adults he actually apologized, I let go of my hard feelings and we became very close and I am so glad.  It made me want to make sure my girls, Rebekah and Victoria, did not go through this problem.  I wanted them to be close.  I had the threat of, “if you two keep arguing I will make you sit facing each other, knees touching, holding hands and smiling for five minutes” as a tool.  If they stopped smiling in that five minutes I would add a minute.  (I actually used this in elementary school classrooms to stop bickering girls.  It really works.)

Bobby was a young 49 years old.  He was a strong Christian, a trustee in the new church and very active in his community.  The future looked great for him.  He was living the good life, very successful and well liked.  It is hard when the good die young.   Victoria lost a close friend to cancer at 9 years old.  One of my nephews died of a brain tumor in his 30’s.  No one knows what tomorrow holds; we are not even guaranteed the rest of today.  It is important to keep your accounts ‘short’ and to teach your children to do so as well (remember they are watching).  I am glad that through the years  I taught my girls to  resolve issues and never ‘go to bed mad’ as much as is humanly possible.

God’s word says:

Ephesians 4:26 (NIV)

“In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry…”

There will be some accounts that they can not resolve.  However, they should have their side in order with God’s word.  They should not go to bed angry.  Teach them to ‘let it go’.  Growing up in our church on New Year’s we had a Watch Night Service.   Everyone was given a piece of bread and about 15 minutes before midnight we spent the time going among the members giving each other a piece of bread of our bread and telling them we loved them.  It was a ‘love feast’.  The idea was to use the time to bury hatchets, apologize and leave the ‘old’ in the old year and start the New Year on right terms.

Keep your accounts short.  Your kids are watching.  If they see or know your anger towards someone, make sure they see or hear you make it right.  Do you have any phone calls or visits you need to make?

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It’s Me or Them!


From May to October there is a common sight along the shorelines here in FL.  Sea Turtles come ashore and deposit their eggs.  Humans walk the beach each morning looking for the tracks they leave and stake out their nests, cord them off and post signs to protect the nest and the future baby turtles.

Left in Others Care

Some people are sea turtles – drop the eggs on the beach and swim away letting them hatch or not, and make their way in the world if they can.  The parent turtle goes back on its course and lives their life.  As humans these parents tuck their heads in when they don’t like what they see.  They may not abandon their offspring physically but, they do mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  They tend to their own selfish needs and seek out their own path and pleasures.  They are all about ‘me’ and never ‘them’.

More and more I am saddened by the parenting I see in public.  They can’t put their book down or get up from tanning on the beach or what ever they are doing for THEMself at the time.  They have no time to be bothered with taking their young to the rest room; seeing they are not in danger or are not bothering others on the beach.  “Hey Joe, take little Johnny to the bathroom!” says the mom.  “No, it’s your turn”, says Joe.  Little Johnny sits there wondering if anyone cares about him.  When he’s in a dangerous area around the rocks the Lifeguard finally talks to him and then the parents.  These parents are in the malls and stores as well. Store clerks and security pick up their messes, stop them from hurting themselves and finally help them find their parents when they are lost.

Growing up there was a saying, “if they act like that in public, I wonder how they act at home?”  That phrase could be applied to everything from “they need a spanking” (children) to PDA (public display of affection).   Today I am using it to refer to parenting.  If they do not act like parents in public, how much worse are they at home?  So many parents are focused on one thing, “ME”.  The children get what is left.  As Christian parents we quickly say, “no, I do not put myself before the kids”.   We see to all our kids ‘needs’.  However, satan* is subtle and oh so stealthily he has swung us towards the ‘me’ from the ‘them’ in our attitudes.

Ever Watchful, Diligent.

As mom’s we should be lionesses and as dad’s we should be lions.  God has provided in nature the very attitudes we as parents should take in the protection and raising of our young.  God expects us to be always watching, taking turns, seeing to ALL the needs of our young.  Raising them in all aspects of life so they can become a complete adult.  We as parents are responsible for showing them God by the way we treat them.  We treat them as God treats us and so we should by our actions be teaching our children they are made by God (physically) loved by God (emotionally), taught by God’s word (mentally) and guided by God (spiritually).  As we teach them about God  we are preparing them as adults to seek God in all areas of life: physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.  Do you think that you get on God’s ‘last nerve’? Exactly, remember that when dealing with your children.

God expects us daily to see they are RAISED in the Lord that they may live up to their potential in Him.  Are you a lion/lioness or a sea turtle?

*satan – I know people capitalize the “S” but, I don’t.  I refuse to give him any status of importance.  He’s a snake, so satan, devil, etc. are lower case, as he is one.
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Failing Our Kids


The research is piling up.  In an age when we are more technologically advanced than ever before; when technical advantages exist to enhance educating our children at every age level, the children are becoming less educated.  A short Bing.com or Google.com of dumbing down in American schools will provide you with books and articles that will shock you when you see what is happening.  But, you may already know these facts from shopping.  People cannot ring registers, count back change or help you figure pricing on a sale.  I have friends that would starve without a microwave or drive through window.   They seriously cannot even boil water (Bless Their Hearts – all you Southerners know what that means :-D.)  Guys grew up in years gone by tinkering on cars.  Other than filling their gas tanks, many cannot take care of their car.  Change a flat tire?  HOW?

Electronics and time-saving services and devices are not bad in themselves.  However, they have slowly taken over and replaced cognitive learning skills and even parenting.   Electronics should not be the parents.  We have devices for everything from a quick meal, tooth brushing and singing the baby to sleep.   There is nothing wrong with any of them until we rely solely on them for raising our children.  They couldn’t make something to tie their shoes for us so Velcro was invented.  Using these devices are great time savers but what do we do with the time we save?

Children become dependent on electronics from the cradle on.  Take back your parenting, take back your children, give them their childhood.   Bake with them, draw chalk drawings and hopscotch on the sidewalks.  Get them OUTDOORS in un-organized activities … it’s called playing.

REALITY CHECK:  How many hours are your children (or you) on iPod’s, cell phones, in front of a computer, a DVD or video game.    If your schools are using so many electronic devices that your children cannot read, write, add or spell then it is your responsibility to see they learn.   As parents God expects US to teach our children by example as well as teaching them directly.  Children are not even learning how to write because of texting and emails.  I would have my children practice printing and/or cursive writing.   I would have them make flash cards then play games with them.   AND I would make sure and take time to teach them the Bible.   The Bible says:

Isaiah 54:13 “And all thy children shall be taught of the LORD; and great shall be the peace of thy children“.

Are your children being taught “of” the Lord, “by” the Lord and “for” the Lord?  The school year has just started.  Put into place hands on learning in all subjects including His Word!

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Growing Up Too Fast


Growing Up Too Fast

I was almost run over today at the mall by a 10-year-old followed by a 6-year-old on her heels and a frazzled grandmother dragging behind.  My daughter and I were at the mall looking for shoes for her two daughters.  I have not been to a mall in many, many months and was way behind in my people watching, so as they shopped … I watched.

The grandmother looked frazzled, the two girls bored.    Both little girls were dressed very cute … for teenagers!  Dressing up is fun and there is a time and place.  But, this was not dress-up.  This was ‘who they were’.  It was a statement.    They had the lace fish net gloves,  heels (I could almost hear the pediatricians groaning over damaged growth plates), bootie shorts (yes, their little cheeks hanging out)  and accessories.   The 10-year-old was on her cell phone talking to a friend and it went like this, “yeah, I can’t wait for you to see the new shoes I got.  Yeah and I got a new outfit …”.  I think you get the picture.  It certainly explains the grandmother’s face.  Everyone that knows me knows I would have sent them in to change before going to the mall.  I often wonder why people want their children to grow up so fast.   The only thing that I think is worse is when their mothers dress like teenagers.

Sometimes I feel this generation has lost so much simplicity and innocence.  Remember Jesus said,

Mark 10:14 “Suffer the little children to come unto me and forbid them not, for of such is the kingdom of God.”

and in

Matthew 18:3  “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

I wonder if He is sadden that the children are not children any more?  I think as Christians we are expected to shield them from the world and to help them make the decisions of being …

a ‘peculiar people unto the Lord’

Deuteronomy 14:2 “For thou art an holy people unto the LORD thy God, and the LORD hath chosen thee to be a peculiar people unto himself, above all the nations that are upon the earth.”

“while walking worthy of their high calling.”

Ephesians 4:1-2 “I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, entreat you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing forbearance to one another in love…”

Children can be raised IN the world and be successful, well liked, accepted and even popular without being OF the world.  I am not sure if the parents are so wrapped up in being successful themselves that they translate that into their children’s lives, or if they expose their children to much older environments and simply let them have their way when they want to act older.  You may recall a few months ago a heated controversy over moms and dads defending their little girls dance costumes and dance moves (click on the word ‘moves’ if you have not heard).  It is unbelievable how much denial is going on of parents over their parenting.  There is nothing wrong with trendy and cute but, giving up age appropriateness and rushing them into adulthood is not what God planned for our children.  Jesus wants us to become more like children as we turn to Him.  How can we explain our turning little children into mini adults? Why is everyone trying to copy Hollywood’s parents, lifestyles, etc. when they are all failing at everything but making money?  You will not be the most popular parent sometimes, but God did not put you here as a parent to be popular, or even well liked.  He put us here to be parents … good parents … examples for the worldly parents to follow, not for us to follow the worldly parents.

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Green Eyed Monster


Jealousy

It is so interesting to watch children at the beach.   While playing with my granddaughters this week, I have noticed several times when the ‘green-eyed’ monster came to play.  Jealousy, it is only natural in humans.  It is our response to it that can be sad.  When the green-eyed monster rears its head with the grandchildren their parents teach them to share toys and attention.  Not every parent heeds the onset of the monster and because it is allowed to grow, it becomes a true monster that follows them throughout life.  My four-year old granddaughter was playing with a raft in the pool and when she got off to get back on a different way, another child took it away from her.  The child’s parent immediately talked with her daughter and had her give it back and apologize.  Good parenting.  Too many parents ignore what their children are doing and/or pass it off as ‘kids will be kids’.  To which I respond, “only if you let them”.  Parenting means you are constantly raising them to be adults.  Too many parents step in during the teenage years to make them young adults after ignoring them over the previous 12 or so years.  That is a little late.  Everything our children need to know we teach in the first few years of life along with how to walk, feed themselves and potty training.

One of the first words children learn is ‘mine’.  Many parents typically respond with teaching them to share.   But, then they stop.  Every truth you teach your child about getting along with others need to be continued in their spiritual life as they are learning about God.  Otherwise, as they grow up, they will deal with the problem over and over.  I think if we are honest, most of us in retrospect will realize that as adults we still deal with the issue of ‘mine’ in some areas.

As my husband and I have gone unemployed during these hard economic times, we face the reality of loosing everything we own.  I will be honest, it has been hard to look at my ‘treasures’ and realize they may have to go.  Not just the house, but furniture, great-grandmother’s china, etc.  When people lose their house in a flood or fire they lose all the photos, heirlooms, etc.  As I think through all the memories and realize I may have no place to store them I had to be honest with myself and admit that I was still in the ‘mine’ mode as an adult.  Of course satan wants to jump right in and try to make you be angry and jealous of those who are doing so well and seem to have no struggles.    In truth, everything I have is from God above and His to take.  We often hear you cannot take it with you, but the truth is, there is no guarantee you’ll keep it while you are here either.  Job 1:21

Your children will have this same problem as they lose things or see other children get their ‘wants’ while your child does not.   It is important they learn that God gives us what we need when we need it and not our wants.  The desires of our heart are given to us when we delight ourselves in Him, but only He knows what the true desires of our heart are.

Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

As you are teaching your child the concept of ‘mine’, sharing, and about the green-eyed monster of jealousy, teach them along the way that God is giving them everything and He has the right to give and take as He sees fit to mold us into His image, not our idea of what that image should be.