Anchor “Mom”


Anchor Mom

Anchor Mom

Wow, I have not posted in a while.  In my defense my daughters were home.  My oldest from overseas with my two darling granddaughters, and my youngest was here from Montana.  She is expecting her first child December, 18th.   I have been busy being a MOM.   I commented about ‘always being a mom’ to Susan, a pastor’s wife, who gave me the title for this blog … ANCHOR MOM!  I do not know if she coined it, but I am borrowing it for my blog.

An “ANCHOR MOM” may be a mom, grandmother, aunt, favorite cousin … a school teacher, Sunday School teacher or even a neighbor.  They are the women God places in every child’s life to nurture and guide them in Him.  I normally HATE all the adjectives people add to the word Mom these days and have various appropriate answers like:

1) Stay at home mom – Really?  No, I am let out of the house as needed.
2) Do you work out side of your home?  YES, I work at church events, school events, I shop for groceries, do the banking, the official MOM taxi, laundry …
3) Full time mom – Uhm, should there be any other kind?
4) Domestic Engineer – do not EVEN get me started on this one
5) Homemaker – no, Chadwell Builders built my home.

You are getting the idea.   I finally close such discussions with, “is there anything wrong with just saying MOM?  Doesn’t MOM say it all?  Mary was ‘just’ a mom.”  When talking with mom’s I would say, “as well as being a mom what else do you manage?”  This is where you can talk about the additional career job, the care of elderly parents, etc.

MOM – says it all.  However, I am adding “Anchor” today.  These are the women that are always “MOMS”, even if they have no children of their own.  These are the “MOMS” who have been promoted to Grand-moms.  These are the aunts, the teachers, the neighbors, that see a need and heed God’s prompting and intervene in a child’s life.

God thinks a lot about Moms and places great value on mothers and women in His word.

Even in death Jesus looked down from the cross and thought of  His own mother’s needs.  John 19:26 “When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son!”

Naomi was a mother-in-law to Ruth that acted as a true MOM when she realized that Ruth still needed her mothering (Ruth 1:18).

You never stop being a mom, you just spread out your wings and gather more into the nest.

Sadly the world has devalued motherhood making moms feel worthless.  Some women fear motherhood and the loss of personal freedom and value.  Being a mom is not for wimps, cowards, or the selfish, it is for those whom God chooses.  If you are lucky enough to be chosen as a ‘mom’,  remember God uses His weakest vessels to accomplish His greatest works and He supplies all you will need.   For Christian women it should be the greatest honor to be a Birth Mom and/or an Anchor Mom.  Do not get caught up in the world’s opinion.

God places great value on you as a woman.  The Bible mentions weddings, names the girl and who her father was, thereby giving her heritage and establishing the lineage of Christ.  These women linked Mary to the house of David.  They were not ‘no-name’ unimportant females.  There was Deborah who was a prophetess and a judge (Jdg. 4:4), Queen Esther whom God used to deliver His people and of course Mary, the mother of Jesus.   God did not HAVE to bring Jesus into the world using a woman.  He could have just had Jesus appear with no mention of how He arrived.  There are many significant women that were important women in the Bible as well as moms.

Where ever God places you at this time is important to Him so do not bemoan your lot in life.  God has a plan and a purpose that changes with age.   I have raised my girls who are now moms themselves.  They still need their mom on occasion.  My husband still needs me :-D.  But, God is also placing me in full time work at a Christian bookstore.  Yet I still feel His leading in writing this blog; seeking publishing of my children’s books, parenting book and church youth musicals.  I have a full plate.  I am just filling it from a different buffet line.

Accept what God has for you to do today.  Do not begrudge, belittle, or let satan* lie to you about your worth.  Seek God’s will and enjoy the journey.

*satan – I know people capitalize the “S” but, I don’t.  I refuse to give him any status of importance.  He’s a snake, so satan, devil, etc. are lower case, as he is one.

Growing Up Too Fast


Growing Up Too Fast

I was almost run over today at the mall by a 10-year-old followed by a 6-year-old on her heels and a frazzled grandmother dragging behind.  My daughter and I were at the mall looking for shoes for her two daughters.  I have not been to a mall in many, many months and was way behind in my people watching, so as they shopped … I watched.

The grandmother looked frazzled, the two girls bored.    Both little girls were dressed very cute … for teenagers!  Dressing up is fun and there is a time and place.  But, this was not dress-up.  This was ‘who they were’.  It was a statement.    They had the lace fish net gloves heels (I could almost hear the pediatricians groaning over damaged growth plates), bootie shorts (yes, their little cheeks hanging out)  and accessories.   The 10-year-old was on her cell phone talking to a friend and it went like this, “yeah, I can’t wait for you to see the new shoes I got.  Yeah and I got a new outfit …”.  I think you get the picture.  It certainly explains the grandmother’s face.  Everyone that knows me knows I would have sent them in to change before going to the mall.  I often wonder why people want their children to grow up so fast.   The only thing that I think is worse is when their mothers dress like teenagers.

Sometimes I feel this generation has lost so much simplicity and innocence.  Remember Jesus said,

Mark 10:14 “Suffer the little children to come unto me and forbid them not, for of such is the kingdom of God.”

and in

Matthew 18:3  “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

I wonder if He is sadden that the children are not children any more?  I think as Christians we are expected to shield them from the world and to help them make the decisions of being …

a ‘peculiar people unto the Lord’

Deuteronomy 14:2 “For thou art an holy people unto the LORD thy God, and the LORD hath chosen thee to be a peculiar people unto himself, above all the nations that are upon the earth.”

“while walking worthy of their high calling.”

Ephesians 4:1-2 “I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, entreat you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing forbearance to one another in love…”

Children can be raised IN the world and be successful, well liked, accepted and even popular without being OF the world.  I am not sure if the parents are so wrapped up in being successful themselves that they translate that into their children’s lives, or if they expose their children to much older environments and simply let them have their way when they want to act older.  You may recall a few months ago a heated controversy over moms and dads defending their little girls dance costumes and dance moves (click on the word ‘moves’ if you have not heard).  It is unbelievable how much denial is going on of parents over their parenting.  There is nothing wrong with trendy and cute but, giving up age appropriateness and rushing them into adulthood is not what God planned for our children.  Jesus wants us to become more like children as we turn to Him.  How can we explain our turning little children into mini adults? Why is everyone trying to copy Hollywood’s parents, lifestyles, etc. when they are all failing at everything but making money?  You will not be the most popular parent sometimes, but God did not put you here as a parent to be popular, or even well liked.  He put us here to be parents … good parents … examples for the worldly parents to follow, not for us to follow the worldly parents.

BEatitudes = Attitudes To Be


BEatitudes:

When I was in college in Atlanta, we traveled over 30 miles on Tuesday night to a Bible study that sometimes had over 400 in attendance.  There was a three-piece band and a speaker.  Simple music, simple truths.  The concept was, “if you teach them, they will come” and we did.  We studied the Bible a passage at a time.  I remember it was the first time I heard the phrase “the Beatitudes are Attitudes to be”.  Most of what God has to teach us and our children is simple truths.  We just like to complicate them.

As parents or workers with children of various ages, we know “attitude”.  We probably get several doses a day.  Have you ever thought about teaching children a conscious attitude; attitudes to be?  Jesus did and gave a wonderful lesson that we should teach to our children early on.

English lesson:

BEatitudes!

TO BE verb and auxiliary verb

  • present singular 1st person: am(I am)
  • 2nd  person: are(you are)
  • 3rd person:  is(he/she is)

Attitudes are something you ARE.   You choose to BE.  It is a decision.  Very early on you must teach children that they are choosing their attitudes and those decide how they act and those actions have consequences.   At the first sign of an inappropriate attitude you look them straight in the face and say, “you need to make a decision.  Make a good one.  If you continue in this ____ (name it – action or attitude) then YOU are DECIDING and CHOOSING this consequence (name it).”  You have to teach them as early as two that they are ‘asking’ for consequences by their choices.  If they are acting out they choose to be punished.  Do not let them blame you.  Encourage them to choose wisely and receive good consequences.

I hear mom’s say, “he/she’s in their terrible two’s” or, “oh, he/she’s carried the terrible two’s into the terrifying three’s”.  Don’t CLAIM it for goodness sake.  Do something about it.  You do not let children control you or your home.  I know I have said it under other sections, but, let me say it again.  Parenting is a SMALL minuscule picture on earth of our Heavenly Father’s relationship with us.  Remember what happens when you try to control your life; you try to control God?  Makes a mess of things doesn’t it?  Well, why are you allowing children to control you and the home?    I see toddlers in control of large adults 4x’s their size and I shake my head and think, “when did you hand them the keys?”  Most turn over control before they are two believe it or not.

I won’t mention which daughter, but one of mine wanted something in the checkout line and I said, “no”.  To which I received a tantrum, her first.  I looked at her and told her she was embarrassing herself and me and that was no way to behave in a store.  I told her to make a decision or I would have to embarrass her.  She continued to scream.  So I dropped to the floor and threw a tantrum.  She was mortified.  She told me I was ‘mbearinsing her’.   I told her I would stop if she did.  😀  Quit laughing, it worked.  We were in Winn Dixie and a mom looked at me and said, “Oh, if I only had the courage to do that.”  There were no more tantrums in the store.  There are those that say not to humiliate your child in public.  HOGWASH! (<~ I have become my mom, it was her fav word).  Half of what is wrong with children is we are protecting them from good child rearing techniques for fear of what others will say or think.  Or worse, what some ‘professional in the world’ says will hurt the child.  The world is not in charge of raising your child.  The truth is, you answer only to God for how you turn out your kids.  Any child still living at home and you pay the bills, is your responsibility, your stewardship under God’s eyes.  I am sorry to say that an out of control teenager did not wake up that way one morning.  It started years before when someone stopped parenting and handed over the keys. It is very hard, but not impossible, to get those keys back and start over.  God expects you do to just that.

He gave you a manual on teaching attitudes to yourself as well as your children.  These are simple Bible truths that Jesus taught in Matthew 5. (This is greatly simplified due to BLOG constraints – everyone should really do a thorough study of God’s attitudes TO BE.)

  • 3“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (our BEatitude is recognizing we OWE all to God) God is teaching us and we need to teach children, that we are blessed by Him and stewards of all that we have; we should have a humble and thankful spirit and not a proud and greedy one
  • 4“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” (our BEatitude of SORROW  for sin that brings repentance, recognizing when we do wrong and REALLY being sorry) God is teaching us, and we need to teach children, that we should be sorrowful over sin and wrong doing; that we are dependent on the Holy Spirit to walk daily in Him and that we cannot do so without Him. Teach them to yield to that conscience; yield to the tugging of the Holy Spirit.  We know when we are doing wrong and we know when we are ignoring that tugging on our conscience.  If we ignore, the Holy Spirit within us grieves.  We ignore that, we harden.
  • 5“Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth” (our BEatitude of  SUBMISSION to God) God is teaching us, and we should teach our children,  to be quiet and rest in Him, to not get upset when we are wronged but to turn the other cheek and show His love to others as He has shown it to us.  We are to be patient with others as God is with us, that includes being patient with the children you are teaching patience!
  • 6“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled” (our BEatitude is one of SENSING our need for God and striving to be more like Him) God is teaching us, and we should teach our children, through two things the human body can understand, hunger and thirst.  These needs keep us alive and our hunger and thirst for righteousness are vital to our spiritual life just as food and water are to our physical body.  Priorities must be set and followed.  Putting God first makes everything else fall in line.
  • 7“Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy” (Our BEatitude is one of SHOWING our Christ in our actions) God is teaching us that when we hunger and thirst after Him, our ACTIONS will show Him.  This is our testimony in action.  We show love for others as He has loved us.  For a long description of LOVE see my “For The Greatest Of These is Love” post.  We give forgiveness as we are forgiven.  We show compassion, pity, patience, just as we have been shown them by Him.
  • 8“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God” (Our BEatitude is one of seeking His Holiness) God is teaching us, and we should teach our children,  to put away the world and seek only that which is pure.  God cannot look on iniquity so having it in our heart separates us from Him.  To see God, we must have a pure heart.  Pure hearts come from what we put in our minds through our eyes and ears.
  • 9“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God” (Our BEatitude is one of SOLVING not creating problems) God is teaching us, and we should teach our children, to strive to get along and find good in others and situations.  To establish Peace through Him.  Our light in a dark world should bring comfort and peace.  As the old saying goes, “if you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.”  When actions display God in us and not us in the world, then we are part of the solution.
  • 10“Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven”(Our BEatitude is one of SELFLESSNESS) God is teaching us, and we should teach our children, that when we take on all of these BEatitudes, the world will not understand.  Sometimes you will be walked over, made fun of and some will even give their lives.  This is hard for us as adults and certainly not something little children can grasp.  We simple must teach them that sometimes, even though we are doing right, bad things are going to happen; people are going to hurt us.  This is when it is even more important TO BE the BEatitudes through His strength in us.
  • 11“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me”(Our BEatitude is one of STEADFASTNESS standing strong in the Power of the Blood).  In America today, Christians are being picked apart and ridiculed.  You and children will face more and more verbal, if not physical, persecution for standing in the testimony of Christ. During these times our resolve may weaken, or we may become apathetic if we do not stand in His Power.  There are times when I just get quiet and pray, “Lord, by the Power of the Blood, for the Victory that HAS BEEN ONE, I bind satan from this situation.  What is bound on earth is bound in Heaven. (Matthew 16:18)  I claim this VICTORY.”  And then I move in His Power, not my own.

Learn the BEatitudes and pass them on to your children.  What’s your BEatitude today?

Look at me! Look at Me!


Dressing Up In Mom's Hat

LOOK AT ME!  LOOK AT ME!

The whole world seems to be screaming for attention.  Children learn this concept early on in life.  Unfortunately, too many of today’s children are in competition with their parents and/or their parents living vicariously through them.  You do not have to look far to see examples.

1) Teen mother at the mall with small infant in her arms.

The infant is in a diaper and diaper shirt.  The mother’s arm has inadvertently pushed the shirt up exposing the child’s back.  From the waist up is what I presume (and HOPE) is a temporary henna tattoo.  The mother, herself highly decorated in tattoos, is screaming for everyone to look at her … to the point of decorating her small infant and using him to draw attention to herself.

2)  Young mother at the mall pushing a little boy who is too small to walk in stroller.

The baby has a Mohawk.  I am not talking a combed with mousse Mohawk. I am describing a SHAVED head Mohawk.   Would you take a razor to your infant’s head?  She is using her small son to scream, “look at me, look at me”.

3)  Three different expectant women at the beach in bikinis.

Now you know they KNOW they are being controversial.  But, they do not care about the discomfort of the families with small children and young boys or even the men on the beach that are totally uncomfortable with their ‘look at me’ attitude.  I heard several men use terms, the politest being ‘disgusting’, ’embarrassing’ and ‘gross’.    How sad these women put their own ‘rights’ ahead of others and scream for attention by ‘putting it out there’.

The same is said of course of the thongs, bikini Speedos on men and overweight women shoved into two pieces.  Each of these people are screaming LOOK AT ME!  It’s a ME generation.  They scream about protecting their environment and keeping it ‘green’.  They will be the first to cry foul over endangered species, yet when it comes to their fellow-man it’s LOOK AT ME.  Hollywood fuels this fire and the eager masses pick up on the latest trends.  They never look at the consequences of these celebrated lives.  They simple want the attention, to be famous; that illusive ’15 minutes of fame’.

A true claim to ‘fame’ is coming.  When the selfless in Christ arise to meet the Lord.  Teach your children that in all things their lives should give testimony to God and not to themselves.  They will sometimes be in the limelight because of what God is doing in them.  They need to know to show humility no matter if they are famous or obscure.  They should not seek to be in the limelight as their goal.  God says in 1 Peter 5:5b “All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

Why Modesty?


Modesty and decorum have gone out the window.

800px-BathingMachineDontBeAfraid.jpgModesty is not only not valued, it is simply not thought of or taught.  Living in FL in the hot months is a veritable onslaught to the eyes.  For some reason women do not care anymore what they wear or how they are viewed by others.  I guess we can thank Hollywood and supposedly the ‘rich and famous’ for the general attitudes.

*I counted no less than three pregnant women in bikinis.  First of all, why do they think they have the right to put their ‘comfortable with their bodies’ attitude on display at a public venue and force families with small children and boys and men of all ages to ‘deal with it’?  Every parent has the right to decide what TV and movies their children see, what books they read, yet these women think they have the right to force the same parents to deal with information about motherhood because they want to make a statement.  This is wrong on so many levels. Secondly, when did the beauty and sacredness of becoming a mother become a public side-show?  I will not deal with photo shops in the mall that place expectant mothers revealing photos on display.  I am appalled at Godly women even having them made.  That is a special time in their lives, so why have they reduced it to worldly standards and display.  I know of women who work with young girls and try to convince them to maintain modesty yet, they display photos of their pregnant stomach.  What a mixed message they are sending.  Think about how God feels about such displays; He who valued Mary’s womanhood so much that He chose her as the mother of Jesus, and cautioned Joseph about protecting her reputation by not putting her away.

*Bikinis – My girls and I always have covered ourselves in tankini’s that meet in the middle and/or one piece swimsuits. From an early age I taught them their modesty was a gift and that I gift wrapped them at birth with no peeking under the papers until their wedding night.  Were they dressed dowdy? No, they wore one piece swimsuits, no crop tops, plunging necklines or booty shorts.  They did not wear words blazed on their backside inviting people’s attention to that part of their body.  Were they fashionable?  Yes.  It is possible to be in the world and not of the world.  In fact it is your responsibility to raise them that way according to scripture.  John 17 tells us we are to be IN the world not OF the world.

* There is a running joke in FL about 2 piece swimsuits should not be larger than a size 2.  Unfortunately, women of all sizes, 30#’s, 50#’s, and sometimes even 100#’s over weight, are cramming themselves in a bikini for public display.  It is sickening that we are glorifying unhealthy bodies.  Fat is NOT beautiful, it is unhealthy.  I am overweight and I fight it daily.  I do not accept it and put myself on display.  It is not a joke, it is not funny and it certainly is not pretty.  I am amazed that on the flip side, guys are wearing more clothes than ever.  Their swim-trunks are usually below their knees with big baggy shirts.  Their shorts are big, baggy and dragging in the rear.   They look very much like a toddler’s full diaper.

GOD’S WORD® Translation (©1995) I Timothy 2:9
“I want women to show their beauty by dressing in appropriate clothes that are modest and respectable. Their beauty will be shown by what they do, not by their hair styles or the gold jewelry, pearls, or expensive clothes they wear”

Your Child, Your Treasure


One of my all time favorite pastimes is shelling.  You meet all kinds of people combing the beach.  Most are looking for the obvious, the big shell sitting at the surf’s edge.  But, shells are like children … you have to look for the not so obvious in them and dig a little deeper to reveal the true treasures. There are some areas on the beach that wash in ‘coffee dregs’, bits and pieces of grasses that are broken up and resemble coffee grinds.  Amongst this ‘dirt’ I find my favorite treasure, the Angulated Wentletrap.  My husband had several of the ones I have collected added to a chain.

shell-info0.gifTiny and bright white, they go unnoticed by the casual beach comber.  Yet God detailed them perfectly with their spiral and twisting form.  When people see them on my necklace they find them beautiful like pearls.  Yet most people ignore their beauty as they walk on them at the beach.

angelwings.jpg A similar find is the Angel Wings which are bivalve mollusc similar to a clam.  Occasionally washed ashore, they are usually found while digging and can be as much as 3 feet deep in mud and clay.  They are very fragile, yet with correct handling are a true treasure.

Children are many times like these shoreline treasures.  Small and lost in the dirt of the world, unnoticed by so many walking around them; you must pick them up and clean them, care for them, and treasure them.  Some are mired deep in ‘mud’ and need careful handling and care.  All produce treasures to behold.  Time, patience and love for what you are doing produce the most valued of all treasures.  Go slowly, take the time.

Proverbs 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.  (This is a proverb – not a promise – they still have free will – you are responsible for training them and giving them the tools to make good choices.)

Parenting: What kind will you do?

Parenting: What kind will you do?


It all started in INFANCY (think about it): (Excerpt from my book)Before you start looking at Godly parenting, you must grasp the concept that everything on earth is a microscopic model of our relationship with God.  Everything on earth needs to be as it is in Heaven.  By that I mean, He is our Heavenly parent and you are to be a parent to your child as He is to you in as much as it is humanly possible.  Know that He is there to help and guide you all the way and do not forget this concept.  You are the bride and your husband the groom, just as the church is the bride and Christ is the groom.  GRASP these concepts.  This will help you put things into their proper perspective and help you see the big picture through the smaller picture and vice versa.  This is the true and perfect will of God as outlined in scripture.  Matthew 6:10.  However, we live in a world plagued by sin and I realize that everyone reading this book may not have a Christian marriage or even be married.  The concepts for Godly parenting remain the same even if our choices on earth have brought about different consequences.  Your goal is to fix what you can and parent as Godly as you can.  Transfer your Christian life into raising your child.  Just as you were once a newborn Christian and needed food and guidance to grow spiritually, implement the same principles into the raising of a Godly child.
Like newborn Christians infants are a sponge.  They learn daily even when you do not notice the change.  Early on you must decide your ultimate goals of raising your child and so you decide at infancy what kind of parent you are.  Do you want to raise a Godly child?  How Godly?  Are you willing for them to be set apart a peculiar people unto God? Or are you more worried about how your child will be accepted?  Are you feeling overwhelmed yet?   Being a parent is overwhelming.  You have been placed as a steward over a gift from God.  We read in the Gospels that we are entrusted as stewards over talents given us. Matthew 25 Talents are any gifts from God and include our Children.  What will you do with your ‘talent’?  The temptations are strong to make them the most attractive, popular, talented … you get the picture.  None of these are bad things unless they are your priority.  Of course you want them dressed and looking cute.  You want them liked and you want them to succeed in school and extracurricular activities.  But, wait, how is that affected at infancy?  When you hold that precious infant in your arms you need to begin daily praying for them as well as yourself as you raise them.  You pray for their future, their eventual mate and how God is preparing that loved one for them.  Do you think this is too early?  Well I assure you satan is not going to wait on developing that sinful nature in your precious bundle.  Never forget you are in a spiritual warfare no matter how precious and angelic that child is asleep in your arms.  So make your decision now on what kind of parenting you want to do and then take action.  Ephesians 6:4
Parenting can be broken into several types:
(1) Controlling
(2) Indulging
(3) Self-centered
(4) Involved
These are described in the first chapter of my book, Mom2Mom.