choices

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When God closes a door ….


“When God closes a door, He opens a window!”

CLOSED Do Not Enter

Ever heard that?  It always bugged me when people said that because it was as if they thought God sneaks us out a side window, the backdoor, or through the attic and onto the roof for a jump ….

Huh? I don't think so.

What I think is that we are facing the wrong path, which is the side window, the backdoor, the attic; and God is closing all exits but the front door.  We are turned around, not Him.  We place God where we want Him and tell Him that is the door.

When Phil lost his job through the buyout of his company, God shut a door.  We did not shut it, God did.  Through the past three years as Phil has looked for work and been interviewed we have asked God to show us His path.  Each time the door has shut.  Sometimes there is NOT another way out because God has not opened the front door YET.  Sometimes you stay where you are and WAIT.  We do not wait well as humans.  We are impatient.  We want our fingers in the pie and we want to stir the pot.  God has plans for our lives and if we allow Him to direct our path, then IN HIS TIME He will show us the front door.

Waiting on Him is the hardest part.  Three years seems forever to us, but, considering it was over 2000 years ago He promised to return, well … three years is nothing in the light of eternity.

Are you faced with choices?  Are your children needing direction?  Tell them to BE STILL and WAIT on Him.  Accept WAITING and enduring as lessons of patience and character growth.  It is not always what we think, feel or want.  However, when we do wait and He closes all the doors, windows, and steps to the attic … the front door will be in front of us and it will be opened in His time.

Psalm 46:10 (HCSB)“Stop—and know that I am God,exalted among the nations, exalted on the earth.”

1 Corinthians 10:13 (HCSB) “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to humanity. God is faithful and He will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation He will also provide a way of escape, so that you are able to bear it.”

Psalm 37:4 (HCSB)“Take delight in the LORD,and He will give you your heart’s desires.”

When we are willing to allow Him to have His will …. “Lord, help me to delight myself in You.”


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The TRUTH; the Whole Truth …


… and nothing but

The Whole Truth

the truth, so help you God.  What is a lie?  It is the opposite of the truth.  Webster defines a lie as anything other than the truth.  It is like walking into a dark room and turning on the light.  Light and dark are exact opposites.

Teaching children about telling the truth is easy when you are only using words.  But, we know that kids watch all our actions and learn far more from our actions then our words.  Your children, your family, your friends, are watching you for the truth.  When you do not speak the truth, when you are silent and keep the truth from being known, you are lying.   Silence is not always golden, sometimes it is a lie.  It is withholding the truth.

I have already blogged about keeping Christ in Christmas, but I would like to take the next step and challenge you to not be silent.  Tell the truth.  Speak up and let your children see you taking a stand for the truth.  Exercise your ‘voice’ and make a difference.  Greet people with Merry Christmas.  Be ACTIVE and write companies that are leaving Christmas out of the holidays.  Oreo’s Christmas cookie is now a ‘winter’ cookie.  Starbucks put the Christmas Blend back on the market after complaints.  Have you found any CHRISTMAS paper and bags or is all you see ‘holiday’ wrappings.  No stars, no Bethlehem, wise men, or angels on wrapping this year.  You can find all kinds of cartoon paper though.

Stand up, use your voice.  Teach your children that silence is not always golden.  INaction IS an action!

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?? What IF? ??


 

IF?

 

What IF?  I had a teacher that instilled in her class to ask, “What IF?”.   Basically, she was teaching us to ‘think it through’.  There are those that say, “if only I had”, or “if things were different”, etc.   But, what she wanted us to learn was to weigh the consequences.  God’s word has many ‘ifs’, too many to list in a short space like a blog.  But, here is the idea …

2 Chronicles 7:14

“IF my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”

“IF” … “then”.   That is a cause and effect.  Throughout the Bible God says, “if” we do something, “then” something will happen.  Society has forgotten there are consequences.  God expects us to teach our children to THINK through, to be responsible, to understand consequences.   This was one of my favorite object lessons in classes at the high schools where I worked.  There were teenagers following the crowd, the media, Hollywood.  They were not thinking for themselves.   IF only their parents had taught them to ‘think through things’, in scenario form, THEN maybe these students would have been making wiser choices.   Of course I was not allowed to teach morality.  BUT, I was allowed to teach them to think.  In fact I was encouraged to engage students in thinking as part of my job.

In almost every class somewhere during the day, students would get into an ‘current issues’ debate.  While I could not instigate the debate or ‘throw’ in my views (unless specifically asked), I could interject “WHAT IF?”   That would always get things going.   Their first question back would always be, “what if WHAT?”   At this point I would look at both sides of the discussion and ask them to explain, “what if you are WRONG?”  Here are some  brief examples from some of the classes to show you how we started (the discussions were much longer of course and they really had to think out why they believed what they believed):

ABORTION:   “What if you are wrong?”
ProChoice: “Then they have murdered innocent lives.”  ProLife:  “A baby will be born”.
JESUS IS LORD:  “What if you are wrong?”
Atheist, other religions: “They are going to hell.”  Christians: “They have lived a life of service, love, and good.”
PREMARITAL SEX: “What if you are wrong?”
Believe it’s ok: They are adulterers, fornicators, guilt, health risks for nothing etc.
Abstinence until marriage:  “They have purity, no guilt, little health risks.

Starting children when they are young to ask “what if they are wrong”, will help them as pre-teens and teens to handle peer pressure and to think on their feet.  It will help them as adults to make important decisions, especially when satan* is making everything ‘gray’.   When your little one is thinking about doing something wrong and you see them, do not yell “DON’T”.   Instead, use our Heavenly Father’s model.  “If” …. “then“.   (Now obviously, I am not talking about when they are about to reach for a hot curling iron, are touching a sharp tool, or doing anything dangerous.)   It is important to instill in them the ability to reason, to question, to make good decisions … to think on their feet.    So look at them and tell them they have the opportunity to make a decision like a big boy or girl … tell them to make sure it is a good decision and ask them, “what if you are wrong?”

Use every opportunity you can when your child is disobeying to look at them and tell them they are making a decision.  Make them aware of their actions.  Tell them IF they continue to not listen and to disobey, THEN you will have to punish them.  IF they obey, THEN they reap the good consequences.  PLUS, most little children like knowing they pleased their parent.   Children like to know their parents are proud of them.  Make sure you acknowledge their good decisions and tell them how proud you are of them.

As an adult this should ring true in your life.  Daily, we have decisions, choices … some we rationalize and make gray when they are not.  God’s word says “IF” … “THEN“.  We have decisions to make and God has filled the Bible with the wisdom we need to make those decisions.  Yet, like children, many times we CHOOSE to disobey willingly and then whine when we receive the punishment and consequences.  Why?  WE chose them, not Him.  He told us what would happen.   God’s word says in Isaiah 5 (and so many other passages) ‘woe be unto you’ when you make wrong choices.   Wrong choices, a.k.a. SIN.

Do you have a decision to make today?  Talk it out in front of your child.  Use it as an opportunity to teach them how to decide.   Take every opportunity to show your child and let them watch you asking yourself, “what if I am wrong?” … ‘what if I am right?”

*satan – I know people capitalize the “S” but, I don’t.  I refuse to give him any status of importance.  He’s a snake, so satan, devil, etc. are lower case, as he is one.
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Sand Buckets


Children are growing up so fast now.  With the ever-increasing advancements of technology, they are exposed to facets of life that some of us did not even consider until we were teenagers.

When do you teach them about Jesus?

When I picked up my cell phone yesterday, I noticed it was a call from my daughter half way around the world.  However,  instead of my daughter’s voice it was my four-year old granddaughter calling me from Cyprus.  My daughter had dialed my number and handed her the phone in exasperation.   Over the past two weeks she has asked questions about Jesus and satan*.  When she asked why God just didn’t kill satan since he was so bad it was time to let her ask grandmom 1000 questions.

It all started innocently enough when she asked what happened to a villain in one of her stories.  My daughter tried to tell her that bad people did not love God and Jesus.  Bad people choose to be like satan* and do bad things.  So when they die they go to live with satan instead of God and Jesus.  Yesterday morning Audrey informed her mom she was sending Santa an email to tell him not to give satan any presents because he was so awful.  Then she started asking her 1000 questions.

Kids say the most incredulous things … and ask them as well.   She never got around to asking me the “why God did not just go ahead and kill satan” question. However,  for 15 minutes she asked me all kinds of other questions about being good, being bad, God, satan*, about where her Grandpa (my dad) was in Heaven and Hades  (I do not use Hell around her so she will not inadvertently blurt it out and people think she is learning to cuss).  Obviously, she is truly contemplating the difference between good and evil.

Through the years different people have voiced their opinion over teaching children about God too early.  They infer that there is no way they can understand.  But, Jesus said in Matthew 19:14

“Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”

and in 2 Timothy 3:15

“and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.”

How early is too early?  Teaching children about God and good should start from their first breath.  From the music they hear, to your blessings and prayers, these are absorbed just as much as those baby videos and nighttime musical sleep aids.  You know the world is bombarding them every turn they make with worldliness from the moment they arrive here.  Children are always learning and observing even if not grasping the concept.  Exposure to good and God’s ways prepares them for their ultimate decisions in accepting God or rejecting Him.  God expects us as parents to protect them from the world and show them Him.

So how do you decide when and how much information to give a child?  A blog is too short to go in to detail like I do in my book.  However, I will try to give a brief synopsis.  Think of it like this:

Take time to fill their ‘buckets’

Imagine that your infant arrives on this earth with an empty sand bucket.  It is every parents job to raise that child with their bucket.

  1. A CONTROLLING parent will walk through life holding the child and the bucket deciding everything that goes in the bucket.  That may work in the first few years, but what does the child learn other than being a puppet or robot – a ‘mini-me’. Their views of God will be shallow in that they never learned to seek Him and His truths, they just repeat what they are told.
  2. An INDULGING parent sits the child down on the ground and gives them the bucket loaded with all the information and toys of life.  They want their child to have it all and everyone to brag on them.  They want their child to have all the advantages and everyone to acknowledge them as parents with the smart, successful child.  They overwhelm the child with knowledge and trinkets, taking away their natural pattern of mental, emotional and spiritual growth.  The children are ‘force fed’ life way too fast.  God is in the mix, but He is not clearly defined.  He is on equal footing with appearance, education and success.
  3. The SELF CENTERED parent may seem to be over-indulgent.  In truth, they find it easier to give things instead of time. So while indulging the child in their whims and over flowing their buckets too fast, they are doing it as a baby-sitter device so that they, the parent, have more time for themselves.  They may do the obligatory take them to S.S., church and/or VBS but, will do little to influence their child in spiritual matters themselves.   These parents are all about ‘me’ and their own bucket.  If their child learns about God it will be on their own as their parent has little interest in their spiritual life.
  4. And last, the INVOLVED parent is the parent that is prayerfully seeking how to raise their child.  They have the manual, God’s word, before them.  Their child comes here and they hold them in one arm and their bucket in another.  The time comes when they sit the child down and help the child to select things to put in their bucket.  At times the bucket becomes heavy, and they help their child carry the bucket.  The time will come when they can carry two buckets.  They hold on to their young firmly at first, then as they grow the palm loosens ever so slightly and finally opened as they are on their own.  However, the hand is always outstretched ready to grasp or be grasped throughout their life.

My daughter wants to be an involved parent, we all do.  The hard part is knowing when and how much.  Taking time to listen to your child and what they are asking is so important.   God draws us from the time we are born.  Jesus said:

John 6:44 “No man can come to me, except the Father which hath sent me draw him: and I will raise him up at the last day.”

John 12:32  “And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me.”

As parents we are His tool to guide and teach our children in the ways of the Lord and to recognize their need for God, and to respond to His call.  Listen to what your child is asking and they will let you know what they are ready for in the way of information.  Obviously, my granddaughter wants to understand right and wrong so we should answer her to the best of our ability.  Sometimes it is trial and error.  We will make errors but, we pray and ask for wisdom as we talk to them.  Four is not too young for them to understand right and wrong and start to ask questions.  When they understand, they will quit asking that question.  Involving older siblings, parents, aunts, uncles, SS teachers, ministers is equally important.  Sometimes we hear them ask over and over and sometimes they do not grasp our answer.  Do not squelch their asking, find the answer.

Another important thing to remember is that no two children are alike.  That in no way means one is less spiritual or not as smart.  Allow each to grow at their own pace.  Treat each child as unique and peculiar unto the Lord.  That is how He treats us.

*satan – I know people capitalize the “S” but, I don’t.  I refuse to give him any status of importance.  He’s a snake, so satan, devil, etc. are lower case, as he is one.
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Consequences


Actions = Reactions

I am amazed at the lack of ability for people to see that their actions affect anyone other than themselves.  Consider the angry driver that speeds out of sight as the two cars they swerved through head for ditches; the over-eating, over-drinking or over-smoking family member that says it only hurts them; or the teenage who swears it is their life to mess up and none of your business. As you are reading those scenarios you can easily find the consequences.  Yet, everyday we act without seeing the long-range effect on those actions.   The ‘lecture’ on consequences is one of my most discussed with students.

Children often need to be reminded that their actions have consequences, good ones and bad ones.  It is important to give them examples of both so they know it is good actions that everyone benefits the most from.  In teaching this concept you can take a  bucket of water, a tub, pool or lake and hand them something  to toss in the water.  Ask them to toss it in so that the water cannot be disturbed.  Impossible.  No matter what they do, they will not be able to pass the object through the water without disturbing the surface.  The bigger the action, the bigger the reaction, or consequence.  Choices, we make them everyday and our actions always have reactions or consequences.   What defines our actions?

  1. What we read, hear, see = our thoughts
  2. What we think = attitude
  3. Our attitude = character
  4. Our character = actions

If someone’s actions are negative they cause negative reactions which means we must change what they read, hear and see.  It is important to show the flip side of the coin by praising positive actions that equaled positive reactions.  For example, studying, doing homework, etc. = better grades.  Or, showing respect and consideration = receiving respect and consideration, which results in more privileges and responsibility.

Unfortunately, we are in a world ruled by sin.  Sin is a huge pebble thrown in the pond and its ripples are the consequences that are far-reaching, even into the next generations.  In 1 Samuel 3 the Bible tells of Eli’s penalty for not stopping his sons’ actions.  Eli paid the price of ‘in-action’ over his sons ‘actions’.

11And the Lord said to Samuel: “See, I am about to do something in Israel that will make the ears of everyone who hears of it tingle. 12At that time I will carry out against Eli everything I spoke against his family—from beginning to end. 13For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons made themselves contemptible, and he failed to restrain them. 14Therefore, I swore to the house of Eli, ‘The guilt of Eli’s house will never be atoned for by sacrifice or offering.’”

Eli’s sin was allowing desecration of the house of the Lord.  He knew about what his sons were doing and did nothing.  Makes you wonder doesn’t it?  I know parents who have thrown in the towel over their minor children and said, “what can I do?”.  EVERYTHING you can, is what God expects.  God holds mothers and fathers responsible for how their children act, what they read, hear and see.  The problem is, parents allow things to slip by until the children are so out of control it will take a war to win.  Some say they pick their battles, but that usually means they finally exit the war.  Raising children is spiritual warfare and the other side is not sitting idle.

Inaction IS an action.  I recently heard two boys discussing hitting back over a senseless killing.  I could have kept walking the class room and ignored them.  Trust me, it is easier.  However,  1) I knew they saw I heard them, and 2) that ‘feeling’ you get inside when you know you are supposed to speak and want to choose not to was choking me to get out.   So I went back and looked at the young man and asked, ‘What will that do’?  He said, “It will get even, I can’t just do nothing”.  I looked at him and said, “You cannot throw a rock in the water and not expect a splash.”  Blunt statements that seem senseless usually get their attention.  I then asked him, “What if they get even and ‘hit’ you back?”  He said, “We all gotta die sometime.”  Death is not a feared consequence any more.  We have desensitized a whole generation.  I asked him if he thought someone would get even for him, he thought they would.  I then asked him, “What if it’s your grandmother, or your mother, or baby sister they hit next and how will those left behind feel then?”  I had his attention.  First, death is not the end of anything, even if you do not believe in afterlife.  Second, there are those left behind after a shooting, suicide, death or self-inflicted cancer.  Even if you die, someone is forced to live with your action’s consequences.

The Bible says in Matthew 7:16-20 ,

16By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? 17Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. 19Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

Your actions define what kind of tree you are.   What will your actions cause today?