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Growing Up Too Fast


Growing Up Too Fast

I was almost run over today at the mall by a 10-year-old followed by a 6-year-old on her heels and a frazzled grandmother dragging behind.  My daughter and I were at the mall looking for shoes for her two daughters.  I have not been to a mall in many, many months and was way behind in my people watching, so as they shopped … I watched.

The grandmother looked frazzled, the two girls bored.    Both little girls were dressed very cute … for teenagers!  Dressing up is fun and there is a time and place.  But, this was not dress-up.  This was ‘who they were’.  It was a statement.    They had the lace fish net gloves,  heels (I could almost hear the pediatricians groaning over damaged growth plates), bootie shorts (yes, their little cheeks hanging out)  and accessories.   The 10-year-old was on her cell phone talking to a friend and it went like this, “yeah, I can’t wait for you to see the new shoes I got.  Yeah and I got a new outfit …”.  I think you get the picture.  It certainly explains the grandmother’s face.  Everyone that knows me knows I would have sent them in to change before going to the mall.  I often wonder why people want their children to grow up so fast.   The only thing that I think is worse is when their mothers dress like teenagers.

Sometimes I feel this generation has lost so much simplicity and innocence.  Remember Jesus said,

Mark 10:14 “Suffer the little children to come unto me and forbid them not, for of such is the kingdom of God.”

and in

Matthew 18:3  “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

I wonder if He is sadden that the children are not children any more?  I think as Christians we are expected to shield them from the world and to help them make the decisions of being …

a ‘peculiar people unto the Lord’

Deuteronomy 14:2 “For thou art an holy people unto the LORD thy God, and the LORD hath chosen thee to be a peculiar people unto himself, above all the nations that are upon the earth.”

“while walking worthy of their high calling.”

Ephesians 4:1-2 “I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, entreat you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing forbearance to one another in love…”

Children can be raised IN the world and be successful, well liked, accepted and even popular without being OF the world.  I am not sure if the parents are so wrapped up in being successful themselves that they translate that into their children’s lives, or if they expose their children to much older environments and simply let them have their way when they want to act older.  You may recall a few months ago a heated controversy over moms and dads defending their little girls dance costumes and dance moves (click on the word ‘moves’ if you have not heard).  It is unbelievable how much denial is going on of parents over their parenting.  There is nothing wrong with trendy and cute but, giving up age appropriateness and rushing them into adulthood is not what God planned for our children.  Jesus wants us to become more like children as we turn to Him.  How can we explain our turning little children into mini adults? Why is everyone trying to copy Hollywood’s parents, lifestyles, etc. when they are all failing at everything but making money?  You will not be the most popular parent sometimes, but God did not put you here as a parent to be popular, or even well liked.  He put us here to be parents … good parents … examples for the worldly parents to follow, not for us to follow the worldly parents.

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Green Eyed Monster


Jealousy

It is so interesting to watch children at the beach.   While playing with my granddaughters this week, I have noticed several times when the ‘green-eyed’ monster came to play.  Jealousy, it is only natural in humans.  It is our response to it that can be sad.  When the green-eyed monster rears its head with the grandchildren their parents teach them to share toys and attention.  Not every parent heeds the onset of the monster and because it is allowed to grow, it becomes a true monster that follows them throughout life.  My four-year old granddaughter was playing with a raft in the pool and when she got off to get back on a different way, another child took it away from her.  The child’s parent immediately talked with her daughter and had her give it back and apologize.  Good parenting.  Too many parents ignore what their children are doing and/or pass it off as ‘kids will be kids’.  To which I respond, “only if you let them”.  Parenting means you are constantly raising them to be adults.  Too many parents step in during the teenage years to make them young adults after ignoring them over the previous 12 or so years.  That is a little late.  Everything our children need to know we teach in the first few years of life along with how to walk, feed themselves and potty training.

One of the first words children learn is ‘mine’.  Many parents typically respond with teaching them to share.   But, then they stop.  Every truth you teach your child about getting along with others need to be continued in their spiritual life as they are learning about God.  Otherwise, as they grow up, they will deal with the problem over and over.  I think if we are honest, most of us in retrospect will realize that as adults we still deal with the issue of ‘mine’ in some areas.

As my husband and I have gone unemployed during these hard economic times, we face the reality of loosing everything we own.  I will be honest, it has been hard to look at my ‘treasures’ and realize they may have to go.  Not just the house, but furniture, great-grandmother’s china, etc.  When people lose their house in a flood or fire they lose all the photos, heirlooms, etc.  As I think through all the memories and realize I may have no place to store them I had to be honest with myself and admit that I was still in the ‘mine’ mode as an adult.  Of course satan wants to jump right in and try to make you be angry and jealous of those who are doing so well and seem to have no struggles.    In truth, everything I have is from God above and His to take.  We often hear you cannot take it with you, but the truth is, there is no guarantee you’ll keep it while you are here either.  Job 1:21

Your children will have this same problem as they lose things or see other children get their ‘wants’ while your child does not.   It is important they learn that God gives us what we need when we need it and not our wants.  The desires of our heart are given to us when we delight ourselves in Him, but only He knows what the true desires of our heart are.

Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

As you are teaching your child the concept of ‘mine’, sharing, and about the green-eyed monster of jealousy, teach them along the way that God is giving them everything and He has the right to give and take as He sees fit to mold us into His image, not our idea of what that image should be.

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Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep …


Teach Your Child to Pray

My granddaughters are visiting from overseas this month.  It is amazing to see how much young children grasps these days.  I have had some interesting conversations with the four-year old. She has asked such interesting  questions including ones about God, Jesus and Heaven.   I cannot say it enough, start them young.   Children learn so much early on in life and can grasp far more than you realize.  You set their course and ‘patterns’.  Everything from keeping socks and shoes on, to baths, brushing teeth, combing hair, cleaning up toys and bedtime is a pattern you teach your child; something they get use to as the ‘norm’.  We also have to set their ‘patterns’ for their spiritual life early on.  I do not mean rituals or set in stone practices.  I mean raising them with God in their life daily. Times to Pray, to sing His songs, to read His word and to praise Him.

One of the most important parts of their life should be prayer.  From infancy children need to hear you pray and need to learn to pray as they learn to speak.  Many teach, “God is Great, God is Good” at meal time, or “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, if I should die …” at bedtime.  Not a fan of teaching children the bedtime one … “if I should die?”  OK, I understand the concept of wanting children to know God’s care, however, I believe they would better understand a different approach.  Teaching children to pray should be like teaching them to talk to you.  You know how you hate it when they ask the same questions 1000 times, or tell you the same thing over and over and over again?  Don’t you think God feels a little the same way about His children (which includes us adults)?

God wants conversations with us, not patterns and rituals.  When we teach repetition, when we use repetition ourselves, we are not communicating, we are programming.  There is nothing wrong with teaching your children those prayers, or the Lord’s Prayer (John 17:1-5) and Disciples Prayer (Matthew 6:9-13).  God gave us those in His word to teach us HOW to pray, not WHAT to pray.  Memorized prayers should NOT be the only way of praying your children learn.  Praying to God should be natural and real, not programmed or forced.  I know you have heard adults that when they pray you know what is going to come next.

“Dear God (or Heavenly Father, Lord, etc.), Father thank you for …. Father God bless this ….. Father give this …. In Your name Father.”

Same prayer every time.  I can think of a few that insert “Dear Father, or Dear Lord into every sentence about three to four times.”  Reverence is one thing, but repetition must be so tedious to God.  Do you think we bore God with our prayers?  Can you think of someone who when you talk with them the conversations are usually the same?  They go down their lists of kids, problems, wants?  God wants us to talk WITH Him, not AT Him.  Of course there will be some concerns you voice daily (maybe several times a day), but, could God press a button on a recorder and get the same message from you daily, or is it fresh and new as the day He has given you?

Our family grew up with Bible reading and prayer everyday (even if we missed the school bus) from The Child’s Story Bible by Catherine Vos.   We all knelt after dad or mom read the Bible and went around the room praying.  We learned to pray in conversation with God.  So when I had my own girls we always prayed in conversation.  They learned God is Great at the church preschool to pray as a group over snack, and that was great.  But, at home they learned to talk WITH God and not AT Him.  “Thank you for my favorite food … for mom that cooked it … for the dessert I see …”, is much more real coming from a child’s mouth towards Heaven then, “God is great” or “Dear God, bless this bunch as we munch our lunch” (one of my cousin’s favorites).   Talking with God is not a duty.  It is a privileged, a way to praise Him and help us grow to know Him.

When my children were little  the preacher called the children forward once a month to share with them before leaving for Children’s church.  After his little talk he would ask if one of the children would want to pray for them before they left the sanctuary.  One Sunday my three-year old walked over and took the microphone.  (OK, so shyness is NOT in our genes).  The pastor was a little surprised but handed her the microphone, (I held my breath), everyone was going ahhh.  And then she prayed.  Not God is Good … not Now I lay me …, but she just sweetly talked to Jesus, a real prayer in three-year old terms.  I do not remember word for word, but it went something like, “Jesus please take care of us, we love You.  In Jesus name.  Amen.”   She already knew to start by addressing WHO He was, JESUS.  She knew to tell Him she loved Him. She asked Him to take care of them and she knew how to close the prayer.  Honestly, that was not anything we did other than always praying in front of the children.  The Holy Spirit works in our children’s lives drawing them to Him.  Make sure He is the one at work in their life because if you leave the void empty, satan* will fill it.

Prayer … it’s talking with God, not at Him.  Are you talking with Him in front of your children and teaching them the great value of conversations with the Lord?

*satan – I know people capitalize the “S” but, I don’t.  I refuse to give him any status of importance.  He’s a snake, so satan, devil, etc. are lower case, as he is one.
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Where Did the Gray Come From?


Notice there is nothing in between?

Where did the gray come from?  Are there gray areas in the Bible?  In today’s society we are taught to be politically correct and tolerant, there is no black and white, all is gray.  Raising kids in these times is a struggle.  The world is far more vocal in their life view than the church.  While the world agrees on some black/white issues like murder and stealing, the majority of the 10 commandments are so blurred in the eyes of the world that our children must be guarded with truth at home, church and everywhere in between.

Do you remember learning the 10 commandments at church and getting an award?  Again, we need to get back to teaching our children the basics.  Yes, the 10 commandments are Old Testament, and we are not saved by laws but, by His grace.  But, Jesus taught the Ten Commandments in the way He lived and talked.  Jesus said in Matthew 5:17-18,  ” 17Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. 18I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished.” We live our lives under adherence to these laws by God’s  grace.  We should teach our children the 10 commandments by the way we live.

Learning and teaching the Ten Commandments is too broad a concept for a single post.  I have written a much more expanded section on the Ten Commandments and added it as a ‘tab’ on my menu.  Even this is not a full understanding of all the Commandments encompass.

Can you name them?

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
1. Do not worship other gods – what do your children see as your gods?

2. Do not worship idols – what are you teaching your children about worship?

3. Do not misuse God’s name – do your children see your CHRISTian walk, and does it misuse His name?

4. Keep the Sabbath holy – what do your children know about the Sabbath from your life?

5. Honor your father & mother – are your children learning to honor God by your honoring your parents?  Do they honor you?

6. Do not murder – are you teaching your children anger and murderous thoughts?

7. Do not commit adultery – will your children understand the sanctity of marriage from what they see in your life today?

8. Do not steal – are you teaching your children to be good stewards of the blessings God has given you?

9. Do not lie – has your child learned about truth and purity from your actions?

10. Do not covet – does your lifestyle and mindset show your children the difference between needs and wants?

The commandments must be taught to your children as patterns for their life and guidance for their attitudes towards others.  Do not wait for someone at church to teach them God’s truths.  You are their stewards.

Again, I encourage you when you have time to click on the tab above for the Ten Commandments and read further about teaching your children what God says about the Commandments.

*satan – I know people capitalize the “S” but, I don’t.  I refuse to give him any status of importance.  He’s a snake, so satan, devil, etc. are lower case, as he is one.

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All 4 “1” and “1” 4 All


My father loved to listen to music.  We all played instruments, he played the radio (his saying).  In the last few years of his life a song circulated that he really loved.   The lyrics were:

Youth rebuilding in New Orleans

“If you want to be great in God’s kingdom
Learn to be the servant of all (repeat)
Learn to be the servant of all
learn to be the servant of all.
If you want to be great in God’s kingdom”
Learn to be the servant of all. (Public Domain)

Jesus says in Luke 22: 24 – 28

“24 Also a dispute arose among them as to which of them was considered to be greatest.  25 Jesus said to them, ‘The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who exercise authority over them call themselves Benefactors. 26 But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves. 27 For who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who is at the table? But I am among you as one who serves'”

And in Mark 10:42 – 45

“42Jesus called them together and said, ‘You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. 43Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 44and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. 45For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.'”

God gave ALL for 1 (you  – He would have done it for just 1, just as the Shepard would leave the flock of 99 to find just 1 ).  In turn, I (1) should give for ALL.  Recently our S.S. and our Pastor have studied the scriptures over service to others for the Lord’s sake and it reminded me of dad and of my notes from 35 years ago. That is what is great about the Word.  It never changes even though the world does.

Funny how definitions are defined by the viewpoint of the times and the society in which you are raised.  A servant to many is a low-income, menial position.  God’s word says Jesus was a servant and He WAS, IS and always WILL BE, the greatest of all.   There are many Christian adults still struggling with learning this concept.  In today’s society it is a counter-productive concept.  Our society says, “it is all about “me”.  The rise in lawsuits, the pursuit of materialism, the rise in child abuse/neglect, are all symptoms of a sick world focused on self.  That is why it is so important to teach a servant attitude to your child even as early as teaching them to walk.

A child needs to interact with other children and adults in love and compassion; sharing and giving instead of taking and demanding.  I see many demanding children in stores.  I also see parents give in to them to keep the peace.  No matter what age your child is, even if a teenager, you can re-focus them on Christ and the servant attitude He lived on earth.  It is not easier when they are older so if your children are young, then get busy now.

As toddlers you can teach them with phrases of, ‘let’s share this with ___”, “let’s help mommy (daddy, grandma, or sibling, etc.) with ____”.  And above all, let them see you sharing, giving and helping. You teach them they are doing these things out of love and not obligation.  Actions speak louder than words and your children pick up on what is real in your life, not what is forced or for show.  There are enough phony Christian charitable works today.  The people on the receiving end always know when it is not real.  Serving is out of Love, not pity.

My father was strict and oh, so stubborn.  At his funeral the pastor said, “one thing about Harry, you always knew where he stood on any subject.”  But, Dad was never two-faced.  He would give you the shirt off his back and you knew he meant it, it was not charity.  He loved giving.  If anyone asked him for something and he had it to give, time, money, things, he gave it, no strings attached.  I do not remember anyone every being asked to pay back his ‘loans’.  We grew up in a home that took care of missionaries.  I remember visiting shut-ins and collecting for the missionary closet.  When a child grows up seeing people serving God with their time, money, prayers, etc., then they have received a foundation to build your serving on as you grow older and grow in the Lord.

Children from toddlers to young adults are watching you serve.  Who are you serving?  Self?  Remember, they know you and they know if it is real.  What will be their foundation view of service?

Clean up after tornado: Even when you are hurting, someone else is hurting more.

IDEAS:  At church there are so many ministries you and your children can take part in like:

  • Food Pantry
  • Cleaning/Set Up
  • Teaching S.S.
  • Meals on Wheels
  • Children/youth work
  • VBS
  • Driving someone to and from church, doctor’s appointments

But, also let your children see you involved in the community and show them how to serve the world as Christ loves the world.  Show them how to really ‘love thy neighbor’ and not how to pity.

  • Homeless – soup kitchens, etc.
  • Walkathons:  D.A.R.E., M.A.D.D., Cancer awareness, Community events, etc.
  • Food banks
  • Clothes Drives
  • Needy (you can take 1 gallon bags – say 10 of them and keep them in your car.  We have homeless on every corner it seems.  They want money, of course we do not give them money.  But, if you have one of these bags, you can hand it to them.  In each bag place:
  1. Package or easy open can of tuna, or a chicken salad kit
  2. Plastic Fork
  3. Crackers
  4. Juice box or water bottle
  5. Gum
  6. Band aides
  7. Comb
  8. Travel Kleenex
  9. Travel Hand sanitizer
  10. A note telling them of a local homeless ministry
  11. Go to your dollar store and pick up sunglasses, or anything you think they can use

Finding ways to serve is not the problem, finding a servant’s heart is the struggle.  Teach your children to be great in God’s kingdom.