preteen

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Footprints… Actions, Attitudes and Appearances


What image are leaving behind?

We have all seen signs at nature preserves and parks that read, “take nothing but photos, leave nothing but footprints”.   Would it not be wonderful if we took that mentality with us everywhere as Christians?  What ‘footprints’ do you leave each day as you hurry here and there, grumble through work or take your kids on their appointed rounds?  Who do people see as you leave?  Is it Christ?

Examples:

1) The mother that allows children to run wild in stores, destroying displays, products and endangering other shoppers by tripping them  –  Do people assume she is a Christian?

2) The road rage of cutting someone off, not allowing them in, blaring the horn or visible mouthing and hand signals – Do you think the ‘fish’ on the back of the car will send the message you are not?

3) The parent yelling, or worse ignoring their child in the store  – Do those around you see “Christ” in you?

4) The neighbor that has total disregard for others property through theirs or their children’s actions – Are your neighbors seeking Christ because of your family’s example?

5) The patron leaves a ‘tract tip’ in place of a monetary tip or along side a minimal tip – Are you portraying Christ as stingy?

6) The way you dress or dress your children for Church – Do people think you are leaving for the beach or the mall?  Are you dressed showing that you ARE blessed or do you spend more time getting ready for work, shopping, ‘dates’ and other events?  Do you present God with your best?  Not your most expensive, but you and your children are the cleanest, neatest and at your best  for church over all other places (and that includes on the inside).

We leave ‘footprints’ everywhere we go.  Sometimes we are the ONLY “Christ” people see.  Our attitudes, actions and appearance, as well as those of our children, are the footprints we leave behind.  What ‘photo image’ are they taking that will forever be emblazoned in their photo album of Christians?   Will people be glad to see you go?  Or wish you had stayed?

Ephesians 5:2

2 And walk in love, as the Messiah also loved us and gave Himself for us,  a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God.

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Sorry doesn’t cut it …


Ever said those words? I have heard it in my store, in the grocery store, today at a park … everywhere. Families interacting … the hectic pace of the holidays … the short tempers … selfishness … stubbornness … both in children and adults.  When the offender is called to task for their behavior they utter a meager ‘sorry’.  To which the other responds, “sorry doesn’t cut it”.  How many times do you hear your child say they are sorry and know they do not mean it?  How many times do you utter the word ‘sorry’ because it is expected? Worse, how many times do you tell the Lord sorry for the same repeated offense?

Children are watching.  They see you tell God you are sorry and tell others you are sorry. They watch you tell your spouse you are sorry and hopefully they hear you tell them you are sorry when you should.   How you say you are sorry is more than likely the same way they will grow up telling others they are sorry.

An apology should equal in fervency the intensity of the insult, accusation or ‘crime’.   Did you get that?  Think about what it means.  Sometimes sorry does not cut it … you need to really apologize in equal proportion to how much you hurt them.  NOT how much you think you would have been hurt in their place, but, listening carefully to them express their pain, you respond in kind with your words and actions.

However, that being said, do not hold your breath for someone to apologize.  God has to deal with some people a long time before they learn how to apologize and mean what they say.  You must learn to let go, and teach your children how to ‘let it go’.  The Bible says:

Ephesians 4:26 “don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry…”

We should keep short accounts and not hold grudges.  NEVER go to bed mad.  That was one of my rules when the girls were home.  No tears or pain will be remembered as deeply as the knowledge that you let someone slip away without settling accounts.  I often have said how glad I was that my middle brother and I talked early in the morning and were on good accounts when the plane crash took him away that day.

Start today with telling God how sorry you really are and do not repeat patterned prayers.  Talk to Him.  Let your children hear apologies and make sure you include an apology to them. when needed.   Always make sure you go to whom God places on your conscience through the Holy Spirit and make real apologies that fall in line with the real pain inflicted.  Keep tabs of your accounts and keep them short.


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Persistent Perseverance Payoff = Patience


NEVER pray for patience unless you are willing to learn no matter the cost.  It is a valuable character trait.  However,  most humans I know are not patient.  That is probably the reason that patience lessons are the hardest.  I think God does not enjoy teaching us patience but, knows we need to learn.  It is a struggle, something we must learn (and re-learn) daily.

As parents we need to learn patience and we need to teach patience.  God patiently teaches us patience, although I know we are very trying at times (well, most of the time).

So how do you learn patience? How do you teach it to a child?  Persistence and perseverance come to mind.  When I was raising my daughters we had a rule in the house, if you started something new, you had to stick with it a year before you could quit.  Gymnastics, swimming, horseback riding, flute, French Horn, cheer-leading, track, tennis, tap, clubs, band, voice … piano.  You name it they took it or joined it somewhere along  the way.  I wanted them both to learn piano.  I knew it would teach them eye-ear-hand coordination and self-discipline, not to mention the added advantage that music training increases ones spacial learning which results in stronger academic achievements.  So I decided that piano they did for me.  I would let them join, take lessons, etc.  anything within reason as long as they studied piano.  My oldest started at six and my youngest at four.  I was persistent and they persevered.  We all learned patience.  The result was that they became well-rounded in many areas, successful academically and wonderful musicians.  My oldest is beginning to teach her daughter, age 4, piano and my youngest graduated with a music degree and has her own web page promoting her voice and piano lessons.  They learned self-discipline through their perseverance.  As adults they can stay the course and complete multi-tasking goals.

Our spiritual life is to be the same.  We are to be persistent in prayer, persevere the day-to-day trials and tribulations, allowing God to work patience in our life.  Toddlers can be taught patience through persistent instruction and discipline through love.  Just as we teach our young, God is always teaching us.

In Genesis 31:38-42 we read o f Jacob’s diligence and his patience.  In Proverbs 21:5 the scriptures tell us that hard work pays off.  In Mark 15:47 we are told that diligence allowed them to see Jesus.

Do not be passive parents.  Parenting is a participation action not a spectator one.  Get involved in the lives of your children at an early age helping them to set a goal they can achieve.  Encourage them, praise their work, guide them and keep them on task and rejoice with them as they achieve.  Every little goal accomplished teaches them.  Those goals become more complex as they grow.  When they are teens and young adults, they will be able to set achievable goals and accomplish much.

Allow your children to see you set goals and your persistence in accomplishing those goals.  Make sure they observe your perseverance and see you grow in patience.

Then, when trials and tribulations come your way, your patience and spiritual growth will help you face life.  Remember, life is 24/7/365 and we must have a spiritual focus on God our hope.  Defeat is when our spiritual feet are mired in the mud of life and sin and our focus is on our circumstances instead of Christ.

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?? What IF? ??


 

IF?

 

What IF?  I had a teacher that instilled in her class to ask, “What IF?”.   Basically, she was teaching us to ‘think it through’.  There are those that say, “if only I had”, or “if things were different”, etc.   But, what she wanted us to learn was to weigh the consequences.  God’s word has many ‘ifs’, too many to list in a short space like a blog.  But, here is the idea …

2 Chronicles 7:14

“IF my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”

“IF” … “then”.   That is a cause and effect.  Throughout the Bible God says, “if” we do something, “then” something will happen.  Society has forgotten there are consequences.  God expects us to teach our children to THINK through, to be responsible, to understand consequences.   This was one of my favorite object lessons in classes at the high schools where I worked.  There were teenagers following the crowd, the media, Hollywood.  They were not thinking for themselves.   IF only their parents had taught them to ‘think through things’, in scenario form, THEN maybe these students would have been making wiser choices.   Of course I was not allowed to teach morality.  BUT, I was allowed to teach them to think.  In fact I was encouraged to engage students in thinking as part of my job.

In almost every class somewhere during the day, students would get into an ‘current issues’ debate.  While I could not instigate the debate or ‘throw’ in my views (unless specifically asked), I could interject “WHAT IF?”   That would always get things going.   Their first question back would always be, “what if WHAT?”   At this point I would look at both sides of the discussion and ask them to explain, “what if you are WRONG?”  Here are some  brief examples from some of the classes to show you how we started (the discussions were much longer of course and they really had to think out why they believed what they believed):

ABORTION:   “What if you are wrong?”
ProChoice: “Then they have murdered innocent lives.”  ProLife:  “A baby will be born”.
JESUS IS LORD:  “What if you are wrong?”
Atheist, other religions: “They are going to hell.”  Christians: “They have lived a life of service, love, and good.”
PREMARITAL SEX: “What if you are wrong?”
Believe it’s ok: They are adulterers, fornicators, guilt, health risks for nothing etc.
Abstinence until marriage:  “They have purity, no guilt, little health risks.

Starting children when they are young to ask “what if they are wrong”, will help them as pre-teens and teens to handle peer pressure and to think on their feet.  It will help them as adults to make important decisions, especially when satan* is making everything ‘gray’.   When your little one is thinking about doing something wrong and you see them, do not yell “DON’T”.   Instead, use our Heavenly Father’s model.  “If” …. “then“.   (Now obviously, I am not talking about when they are about to reach for a hot curling iron, are touching a sharp tool, or doing anything dangerous.)   It is important to instill in them the ability to reason, to question, to make good decisions … to think on their feet.    So look at them and tell them they have the opportunity to make a decision like a big boy or girl … tell them to make sure it is a good decision and ask them, “what if you are wrong?”

Use every opportunity you can when your child is disobeying to look at them and tell them they are making a decision.  Make them aware of their actions.  Tell them IF they continue to not listen and to disobey, THEN you will have to punish them.  IF they obey, THEN they reap the good consequences.  PLUS, most little children like knowing they pleased their parent.   Children like to know their parents are proud of them.  Make sure you acknowledge their good decisions and tell them how proud you are of them.

As an adult this should ring true in your life.  Daily, we have decisions, choices … some we rationalize and make gray when they are not.  God’s word says “IF” … “THEN“.  We have decisions to make and God has filled the Bible with the wisdom we need to make those decisions.  Yet, like children, many times we CHOOSE to disobey willingly and then whine when we receive the punishment and consequences.  Why?  WE chose them, not Him.  He told us what would happen.   God’s word says in Isaiah 5 (and so many other passages) ‘woe be unto you’ when you make wrong choices.   Wrong choices, a.k.a. SIN.

Do you have a decision to make today?  Talk it out in front of your child.  Use it as an opportunity to teach them how to decide.   Take every opportunity to show your child and let them watch you asking yourself, “what if I am wrong?” … ‘what if I am right?”

*satan – I know people capitalize the “S” but, I don’t.  I refuse to give him any status of importance.  He’s a snake, so satan, devil, etc. are lower case, as he is one.
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Will They Be Like You?


Focus

We recently learned that our youngest daughter is expecting a boy in December.  We have two wonderful granddaughters by our oldest daughter so this will be the first grandson.  Well of course I had to go walk through the baby department to see what is out there for boys.  As I was browsing I heard this loud voice and I looked and there was this very tall, athletic man on a Blue-tooth talking away.  He had a little 7-8 year old girl tagging behind.   They were in the little girls department next to infants so I could hear and see the whole incident.  Obviously dad had her out to look for things for her.  Maybe mom had the little one’s at home, maybe it was his weekend … it really did not matter, it simply was not ‘her time’.  The conversation went like this, “yeah man, it was like that game when the Bucs (Tampa Bay’s football team) played … you know, the year before they won the Superbowl”.   OK, time reference here … the man is discussing a game circa 2001.  His little girl probably was not born.  I wanted to shake him and say, “look at her face … see your child … what are you doing?”   I wanted to go to the little girl and tell her to pull up Harry Chapin’s “Cat’s In The Cradle” and play it for her dad.

Where is your focus?  Children know when they are not getting your best.  God’s word says in Matthew chapter 6, that He loves us and cares for us.  He knows our every need and want and He takes care of us.  As Christians we are to mirror God’s parenting as we parent our children.  I do not see God with a cell phone in His hand, watching His favorite TV show, or reading a book.   He is not out playing some sports game, or going to some event at our expense.  Our children get their value of themselves from us.  We tell them by our actions how valuable they are.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing things for yourself as long it is not at your child’s expense.  No matter if you chose to be a parent at this time or not, you are the parent.   The child comes first.

I remember growing up watching a relative with their kids and comparing them to my parents in my head.   If there was a cake to be divided that parent would always make sure they got a piece,  the biggest piece.  Yet if there was dessert on our table, my mom (who LOVED dessert and would eat it at the beginning of the meal  if she could) always made sure we got some and then if any was left she had some.  One time  my dad gave mom the money to go buy herself a new coat, TWICE.  After she returned from the store twice with things for all her five children, the third time dad drove her to the store and stayed until she bought herself a coat.  She taught us how valuable we were.  It was not just ‘things’ either.  She spent time on her knees for us; she made our favorite foods; she went to the school events; was PTA and band booster presidents.  She invested her life in us.  She was a mom first, and “Gwen” … well, after all others’ needs were met.

My goal was to grow up to be a mom like her and to raise children that felt loved and valued and then they would pass it on to the next generation.   Throughout the Old Testament (like in Leviticus and I Samuel) there are stories told of ‘sins of the fathers’ being passed on to generations.  Basically, this means sin begets sin.  A drunk raises drunks; a thief raises a thief, a liar a liar …  an adulterer raises an adulterer; and an inattentive and unloving parent raises another generation of inattentive and unloving parent.  The cycle stops when someone in the chain makes a conscious decision to repent of the pattern of sin in their family and chooses to move forward in God’s strength leaving the past sins of the father’s behind.  Then and only then, will God heal the family.

Leviticus 26:39-43 (New International Version)
39 Those of you who are left will waste away in the lands of their enemies because of their sins; also because of their fathers’ sins they will waste away.
40 ” ‘But if they will confess their sins and the sins of their fathers—their treachery against me and their hostility toward me, 41 which made me hostile toward them so that I sent them into the land of their enemies—then when their uncircumcised hearts are humbled and they pay for their sin, 42 I will remember my covenant with Jacob and my covenant with Isaac and my covenant with Abraham, and I will remember the land. 43 For the land will be deserted by them and will enjoy its Sabbaths while it lies desolate without them. They will pay for their sins because they rejected my laws and abhorred my decrees.

Your kids, they’re going to grow up to be just like you!  Scared?