God

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Don’t Go To Bed Mad


Don't Go To Bed MAD!

I really do not remember when I was taught the concept, however, I do know I always taught my girls to ‘never go to bed mad’.  Walking out of the room and cooling down before you say something you will regret is one thing, but, allowing it to fester and develop in to real ‘soul’ problems between one another is sin.  It also can be very hard to live with should a tragedy strike before you resolve an issue.  Remember, words out of the mouth cannot go back in any easier than pushing toothpaste back in the tube.

Today is my middle brother Bobby’s birthday.  He was killed in a plane crash in 1997.  Earlier that day he called me about something to do with the new church our families were helping start.  It was a good talk, we laughed and we said “love you” .   (I have an earlier blog post about helping children through HARD TIMES).  I have always been so thankful that we talked that morning.  Two hours later I received the phone call that his plane had catastrophic engine failure and crashed.  He was gone in a blink of an eye.

Growing up Bobby picked on me, A LOT!  It is safe to say we did not get along and I did not always like him.  As adults he actually apologized, I let go of my hard feelings and we became very close and I am so glad.  It made me want to make sure my girls, Rebekah and Victoria, did not go through this problem.  I wanted them to be close.  I had the threat of, “if you two keep arguing I will make you sit facing each other, knees touching, holding hands and smiling for five minutes” as a tool.  If they stopped smiling in that five minutes I would add a minute.  (I actually used this in elementary school classrooms to stop bickering girls.  It really works.)

Bobby was a young 49 years old.  He was a strong Christian, a trustee in the new church and very active in his community.  The future looked great for him.  He was living the good life, very successful and well liked.  It is hard when the good die young.   Victoria lost a close friend to cancer at 9 years old.  One of my nephews died of a brain tumor in his 30’s.  No one knows what tomorrow holds; we are not even guaranteed the rest of today.  It is important to keep your accounts ‘short’ and to teach your children to do so as well (remember they are watching).  I am glad that through the years  I taught my girls to  resolve issues and never ‘go to bed mad’ as much as is humanly possible.

God’s word says:

Ephesians 4:26 (NIV)

“In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry…”

There will be some accounts that they can not resolve.  However, they should have their side in order with God’s word.  They should not go to bed angry.  Teach them to ‘let it go’.  Growing up in our church on New Year’s we had a Watch Night Service.   Everyone was given a piece of bread and about 15 minutes before midnight we spent the time going among the members giving each other a piece of bread of our bread and telling them we loved them.  It was a ‘love feast’.  The idea was to use the time to bury hatchets, apologize and leave the ‘old’ in the old year and start the New Year on right terms.

Keep your accounts short.  Your kids are watching.  If they see or know your anger towards someone, make sure they see or hear you make it right.  Do you have any phone calls or visits you need to make?

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It’s Me or Them!


From May to October there is a common sight along the shorelines here in FL.  Sea Turtles come ashore and deposit their eggs.  Humans walk the beach each morning looking for the tracks they leave and stake out their nests, cord them off and post signs to protect the nest and the future baby turtles.

Left in Others Care

Some people are sea turtles – drop the eggs on the beach and swim away letting them hatch or not, and make their way in the world if they can.  The parent turtle goes back on its course and lives their life.  As humans these parents tuck their heads in when they don’t like what they see.  They may not abandon their offspring physically but, they do mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  They tend to their own selfish needs and seek out their own path and pleasures.  They are all about ‘me’ and never ‘them’.

More and more I am saddened by the parenting I see in public.  They can’t put their book down or get up from tanning on the beach or what ever they are doing for THEMself at the time.  They have no time to be bothered with taking their young to the rest room; seeing they are not in danger or are not bothering others on the beach.  “Hey Joe, take little Johnny to the bathroom!” says the mom.  “No, it’s your turn”, says Joe.  Little Johnny sits there wondering if anyone cares about him.  When he’s in a dangerous area around the rocks the Lifeguard finally talks to him and then the parents.  These parents are in the malls and stores as well. Store clerks and security pick up their messes, stop them from hurting themselves and finally help them find their parents when they are lost.

Growing up there was a saying, “if they act like that in public, I wonder how they act at home?”  That phrase could be applied to everything from “they need a spanking” (children) to PDA (public display of affection).   Today I am using it to refer to parenting.  If they do not act like parents in public, how much worse are they at home?  So many parents are focused on one thing, “ME”.  The children get what is left.  As Christian parents we quickly say, “no, I do not put myself before the kids”.   We see to all our kids ‘needs’.  However, satan* is subtle and oh so stealthily he has swung us towards the ‘me’ from the ‘them’ in our attitudes.

Ever Watchful, Diligent.

As mom’s we should be lionesses and as dad’s we should be lions.  God has provided in nature the very attitudes we as parents should take in the protection and raising of our young.  God expects us to be always watching, taking turns, seeing to ALL the needs of our young.  Raising them in all aspects of life so they can become a complete adult.  We as parents are responsible for showing them God by the way we treat them.  We treat them as God treats us and so we should by our actions be teaching our children they are made by God (physically) loved by God (emotionally), taught by God’s word (mentally) and guided by God (spiritually).  As we teach them about God  we are preparing them as adults to seek God in all areas of life: physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.  Do you think that you get on God’s ‘last nerve’? Exactly, remember that when dealing with your children.

God expects us daily to see they are RAISED in the Lord that they may live up to their potential in Him.  Are you a lion/lioness or a sea turtle?

*satan – I know people capitalize the “S” but, I don’t.  I refuse to give him any status of importance.  He’s a snake, so satan, devil, etc. are lower case, as he is one.
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$ MONEY $, $ MONEY $, $ MONEY $


Money, Money, Money

It all boils down to money.  I have heard so many people make this comment.   It cannot buy happiness but, it is a necessary evil.  Yes, an evil.  Because while it can bring out the good in people, all to often it brings out the worst.  Not enough can bring out envy and strife.  Too much can bring out pride and arrogance.  Teaching your children about the value of money is a parental concern of course.  But teaching them the danger of money is one of the most important lessons you will give your children.  In teaching them about the ‘almighty dollar’ you can teach them about the Almighty.

God’s word has many passages concerning money.  God does not treat money as evil.  It is the world that has made it evil.  We need to be good stewards of our children by teaching them God’s views, priorities and standards on money.  Many times we simply read Bible stories to our children, but how often do we teach them a lesson that they can understand?   Here are two of my favorite examples on teaching parables concerning money.

1)
“The Widow’s Mite” Mark 12:41–44 This parable IS about sacrificial giving. I imagine this widow would have tithed her unemployment check, her welfare check and even her food stamps through a food pantry.  However, it is also about HOW you give.  The parable is also saying that “Putting on the Show” of giving is wrong.  Giving and doing for others should be between you and God and not for man.  When you give to impress others, that is your reward.  You’ve impressed them and that is all you will receive. PLAN SOME WAY OF GIVING WITH YOUR CHILD WHERE NO ONE BUT YOU AND THEY KNOW AND EXPLAIN “GOD KNOWS!”  Then ask them to ‘give’ where only they and God know. (See an early post for other ideas about Serving Others.)
2)
“The Parable of the Talents” Matthew 25:14-30; Luke 19:12-28 This parable is about stewardship.  This can be a difficult concept for a child so I suggest a visual lesson.  The concepts are even difficult for some adults.   There are those that think their 10% is so little that it could do no one any good and they need every dime they have.  There are those that ‘tithe’ so much of their time in ‘duties’ at church that they give no money.  They fail to see how they fall into the category of the poor steward.

To teach your child a visual of how little God asks of them you will need three containers.

CONTAINERS: Banks, Jars, Envelopes, Zip Lock Bags (etc.)

LABEL: Help your child label each container

Words: 1) God, Later, Now
2) Church, Savings, Spending (etc.)

OR

Pictures: 1) Cross, Picture of Jesus, Church,
2) Piggy Bank, or picture of something they are saving for,
3) Dollar sign, picture of something they spend their money on each week

Then each time they receive money from an allowance, birthday gift, Christmas money or whatever the occasion (even if gma/gpa just hand them a dollar) teach them to FIRST put 10% in God’s container, 40% (or more/less) in savings container, and the balance in spending container.  To start your child off you may want to hand them four dollar bills and four quarters (or be a big spender and give them 10 one dollar gills).  When they put 10% (two quarters for $5, or one of the 10 one dollar bills), ask them if they see how little God asks of them.  Explain He does not require, but asks and that it is very little in comparison to what they have left for them.

NOTE: Pick a Sunday (each week, bi-monthly or monthly) and have your child remove the money they are tithing and place in a church envelope to take to church.  Teach them to quietly place it, face down in the offering plate.  Here is your chance to demonstrate how quietly the widow gave her mites.

SAVINGS: Maybe they want to save for Christmas gifts, the Fair, the School BookFair, a doll or Video game.  Maybe it is longer range savings like for a car or college.  What ever it is, you will help them if you DO NOT change the deal.  If they do not have enough at the time, then they need to WAIT FOR THEIR WANTS.  Of course you must use good judgement, and sometimes a parent does NEED to step in and help when it’s a NEED and not a WANT. Our policy was we paid for their NEEDS just as God supplies our needs.  We also saw to their wants as rewards.

SPENDING: DO NOT get in the habit of loaning them the balance of what they need at a store because they are ‘short’ for something they WANT.  Tell them they will have to wait.  Also, teach them the joy of saving by using coupons, watching for markdowns. Again, use good judgment and always be there for a true NEED.
ASK YOURSELF: I always asked my girls ‘why do you want this’?  If it was because ‘everyone is wearing them or has them’  BUZZER – Wrong Answer!  Make sure their wants, are THEIR wants and not peer pressure or fitting in with the crowd syndrome.   The bottom line is, you are responsible to GOD for what your child spends  their money on while they are in your home.  NEVER forget you ARE the parent.  It might be their money, but they are STEWARDS of it and how they spend it must be in accordance with God’s teachings.  I cannot tell you how many parents have said (in defense of their daughter/son wearing objectionable clothing, listening to objectionable music or playing unacceptable video games), “Well, what can I do? They used their money? ”   We are responsible for teaching them that everything we have is from God.  It is all HIS.  He asks for 10% back and you are ONLY STEWARDS of the other 90%.  You have to answer to Him for that as well.

Money – will it be a good thing, or a bad thing in your child’s life?



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Anchor “Mom”


Anchor Mom

Anchor Mom

Wow, I have not posted in a while.  In my defense my daughters were home.  My oldest from overseas with my two darling granddaughters, and my youngest was here from Montana.  She is expecting her first child December, 18th.   I have been busy being a MOM.   I commented about ‘always being a mom’ to Susan, a pastor’s wife, who gave me the title for this blog … ANCHOR MOM!  I do not know if she coined it, but I am borrowing it for my blog.

An “ANCHOR MOM” may be a mom, grandmother, aunt, favorite cousin … a school teacher, Sunday School teacher or even a neighbor.  They are the women God places in every child’s life to nurture and guide them in Him.  I normally HATE all the adjectives people add to the word Mom these days and have various appropriate answers like:

1) Stay at home mom – Really?  No, I am let out of the house as needed.
2) Do you work out side of your home?  YES, I work at church events, school events, I shop for groceries, do the banking, the official MOM taxi, laundry …
3) Full time mom – Uhm, should there be any other kind?
4) Domestic Engineer – do not EVEN get me started on this one
5) Homemaker – no, Chadwell Builders built my home.

You are getting the idea.   I finally close such discussions with, “is there anything wrong with just saying MOM?  Doesn’t MOM say it all?  Mary was ‘just’ a mom.”  When talking with mom’s I would say, “as well as being a mom what else do you manage?”  This is where you can talk about the additional career job, the care of elderly parents, etc.

MOM – says it all.  However, I am adding “Anchor” today.  These are the women that are always “MOMS”, even if they have no children of their own.  These are the “MOMS” who have been promoted to Grand-moms.  These are the aunts, the teachers, the neighbors, that see a need and heed God’s prompting and intervene in a child’s life.

God thinks a lot about Moms and places great value on mothers and women in His word.

Even in death Jesus looked down from the cross and thought of  His own mother’s needs.  John 19:26 “When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son!”

Naomi was a mother-in-law to Ruth that acted as a true MOM when she realized that Ruth still needed her mothering (Ruth 1:18).

You never stop being a mom, you just spread out your wings and gather more into the nest.

Sadly the world has devalued motherhood making moms feel worthless.  Some women fear motherhood and the loss of personal freedom and value.  Being a mom is not for wimps, cowards, or the selfish, it is for those whom God chooses.  If you are lucky enough to be chosen as a ‘mom’,  remember God uses His weakest vessels to accomplish His greatest works and He supplies all you will need.   For Christian women it should be the greatest honor to be a Birth Mom and/or an Anchor Mom.  Do not get caught up in the world’s opinion.

God places great value on you as a woman.  The Bible mentions weddings, names the girl and who her father was, thereby giving her heritage and establishing the lineage of Christ.  These women linked Mary to the house of David.  They were not ‘no-name’ unimportant females.  There was Deborah who was a prophetess and a judge (Jdg. 4:4), Queen Esther whom God used to deliver His people and of course Mary, the mother of Jesus.   God did not HAVE to bring Jesus into the world using a woman.  He could have just had Jesus appear with no mention of how He arrived.  There are many significant women that were important women in the Bible as well as moms.

Where ever God places you at this time is important to Him so do not bemoan your lot in life.  God has a plan and a purpose that changes with age.   I have raised my girls who are now moms themselves.  They still need their mom on occasion.  My husband still needs me :-D.  But, God is also placing me in full time work at a Christian bookstore.  Yet I still feel His leading in writing this blog; seeking publishing of my children’s books, parenting book and church youth musicals.  I have a full plate.  I am just filling it from a different buffet line.

Accept what God has for you to do today.  Do not begrudge, belittle, or let satan* lie to you about your worth.  Seek God’s will and enjoy the journey.

*satan – I know people capitalize the “S” but, I don’t.  I refuse to give him any status of importance.  He’s a snake, so satan, devil, etc. are lower case, as he is one.
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Green Eyed Monster


Jealousy

It is so interesting to watch children at the beach.   While playing with my granddaughters this week, I have noticed several times when the ‘green-eyed’ monster came to play.  Jealousy, it is only natural in humans.  It is our response to it that can be sad.  When the green-eyed monster rears its head with the grandchildren their parents teach them to share toys and attention.  Not every parent heeds the onset of the monster and because it is allowed to grow, it becomes a true monster that follows them throughout life.  My four-year old granddaughter was playing with a raft in the pool and when she got off to get back on a different way, another child took it away from her.  The child’s parent immediately talked with her daughter and had her give it back and apologize.  Good parenting.  Too many parents ignore what their children are doing and/or pass it off as ‘kids will be kids’.  To which I respond, “only if you let them”.  Parenting means you are constantly raising them to be adults.  Too many parents step in during the teenage years to make them young adults after ignoring them over the previous 12 or so years.  That is a little late.  Everything our children need to know we teach in the first few years of life along with how to walk, feed themselves and potty training.

One of the first words children learn is ‘mine’.  Many parents typically respond with teaching them to share.   But, then they stop.  Every truth you teach your child about getting along with others need to be continued in their spiritual life as they are learning about God.  Otherwise, as they grow up, they will deal with the problem over and over.  I think if we are honest, most of us in retrospect will realize that as adults we still deal with the issue of ‘mine’ in some areas.

As my husband and I have gone unemployed during these hard economic times, we face the reality of loosing everything we own.  I will be honest, it has been hard to look at my ‘treasures’ and realize they may have to go.  Not just the house, but furniture, great-grandmother’s china, etc.  When people lose their house in a flood or fire they lose all the photos, heirlooms, etc.  As I think through all the memories and realize I may have no place to store them I had to be honest with myself and admit that I was still in the ‘mine’ mode as an adult.  Of course satan wants to jump right in and try to make you be angry and jealous of those who are doing so well and seem to have no struggles.    In truth, everything I have is from God above and His to take.  We often hear you cannot take it with you, but the truth is, there is no guarantee you’ll keep it while you are here either.  Job 1:21

Your children will have this same problem as they lose things or see other children get their ‘wants’ while your child does not.   It is important they learn that God gives us what we need when we need it and not our wants.  The desires of our heart are given to us when we delight ourselves in Him, but only He knows what the true desires of our heart are.

Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

As you are teaching your child the concept of ‘mine’, sharing, and about the green-eyed monster of jealousy, teach them along the way that God is giving them everything and He has the right to give and take as He sees fit to mold us into His image, not our idea of what that image should be.