Christian parenting

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The Big Picture


How do you teach a child how BIG God is?  How do you teach them about God’s:

Omnipotence – God can do all things – there is nothing He cannot do

  • Job 42:2 “I know that thou canst do everything, and that no thought can be withheld from thee.”
  • Jeremiah 32:17,27 “Ah Lord God! behold, thou hast made the heaven and the earth by thy great power and stretched out arm, and there is nothing too hard for thee: Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh: is there any thing too hard for me?”
  • Matthew 19:26 “But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible”.
  • Luke 1:37 “For with God nothing shall be impossible.”
  • Revelation 19:6 “And I heard as it were the voice of a great multitude, and as the voice of many waters, and as the voice of mighty thundering, saying, Alleluia: for the Lord God omnipotent reigns.”

Omniscience – God has total omniscience – He knows all that can be known

  • Psalm 33:13 “The Lord looketh from heaven; He beholdeth all the sons of men.”
  • Psalm 147:4,5 “He telleth the number of the stars; He calleth them all by their names. Great is our Lord, and of great power: His understanding is infinite.”
  • Isaiah 46:10 “Declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times the things that are not yet done, saying, My counsel shall stand, and I will do all my pleasure.”
  • Acts 15:18 “Known to God are all His works from the beginning of the world.”

Omnipresence – God is everywhere as Father, Son and Holy Ghost – the Trinity – there is no place that God is not

  • Psalm 113:5 “Who is like unto the Lord our God, who dwells on high.
  • Psalm 139:8 “If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.”
  • Jeremiah 23:23,24 “Am I a God at hand, saith the Lord, and not a God afar off? Can any hide himself in secret places that I shall not see him? saith the Lord. Do not I fill heaven and earth? saith the Lord.”
  • Matthew 18:20 “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.”

One of my favorite object lessons is the SNOW GLOBE concept.  Anytime you can give a child a hands on lesson, it will be easier for them to understand what you are trying to teach them.

If you place a snow globe in a child’s hand,  you can explain to them the Trinity and characteristics of God.  Explain that just as you are a spouse, parent and child (three distinct people in one), God is Father, Son and Holy Ghost.

  1. God created the world (snow globe)
  2. The world is in His hands (just as they are holding the snow globe)
  3. He can see everything in the world all the time (just as they can see everything in the snow globe)
  4. He is in the world (when they shake – the snow is everywhere – just as the Holy Spirit is everywhere in the world)
  5. He walked on earth just like you and me  as Jesus – (people in globe)
  6. He controls everything about the world (have them shake, turn upside down, etc. to see how they control the entire globe and it is safe in their hands)

Children need a healthy concept of God; one that is full of awe, respect, reverence and love.

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Sand Buckets


Children are growing up so fast now.  With the ever-increasing advancements of technology, they are exposed to facets of life that some of us did not even consider until we were teenagers.

When do you teach them about Jesus?

When I picked up my cell phone yesterday, I noticed it was a call from my daughter half way around the world.  However,  instead of my daughter’s voice it was my four-year old granddaughter calling me from Cyprus.  My daughter had dialed my number and handed her the phone in exasperation.   Over the past two weeks she has asked questions about Jesus and satan*.  When she asked why God just didn’t kill satan since he was so bad it was time to let her ask grandmom 1000 questions.

It all started innocently enough when she asked what happened to a villain in one of her stories.  My daughter tried to tell her that bad people did not love God and Jesus.  Bad people choose to be like satan* and do bad things.  So when they die they go to live with satan instead of God and Jesus.  Yesterday morning Audrey informed her mom she was sending Santa an email to tell him not to give satan any presents because he was so awful.  Then she started asking her 1000 questions.

Kids say the most incredulous things … and ask them as well.   She never got around to asking me the “why God did not just go ahead and kill satan” question. However,  for 15 minutes she asked me all kinds of other questions about being good, being bad, God, satan*, about where her Grandpa (my dad) was in Heaven and Hades  (I do not use Hell around her so she will not inadvertently blurt it out and people think she is learning to cuss).  Obviously, she is truly contemplating the difference between good and evil.

Through the years different people have voiced their opinion over teaching children about God too early.  They infer that there is no way they can understand.  But, Jesus said in Matthew 19:14

“Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”

and in 2 Timothy 3:15

“and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.”

How early is too early?  Teaching children about God and good should start from their first breath.  From the music they hear, to your blessings and prayers, these are absorbed just as much as those baby videos and nighttime musical sleep aids.  You know the world is bombarding them every turn they make with worldliness from the moment they arrive here.  Children are always learning and observing even if not grasping the concept.  Exposure to good and God’s ways prepares them for their ultimate decisions in accepting God or rejecting Him.  God expects us as parents to protect them from the world and show them Him.

So how do you decide when and how much information to give a child?  A blog is too short to go in to detail like I do in my book.  However, I will try to give a brief synopsis.  Think of it like this:

Take time to fill their ‘buckets’

Imagine that your infant arrives on this earth with an empty sand bucket.  It is every parents job to raise that child with their bucket.

  1. A CONTROLLING parent will walk through life holding the child and the bucket deciding everything that goes in the bucket.  That may work in the first few years, but what does the child learn other than being a puppet or robot – a ‘mini-me’. Their views of God will be shallow in that they never learned to seek Him and His truths, they just repeat what they are told.
  2. An INDULGING parent sits the child down on the ground and gives them the bucket loaded with all the information and toys of life.  They want their child to have it all and everyone to brag on them.  They want their child to have all the advantages and everyone to acknowledge them as parents with the smart, successful child.  They overwhelm the child with knowledge and trinkets, taking away their natural pattern of mental, emotional and spiritual growth.  The children are ‘force fed’ life way too fast.  God is in the mix, but He is not clearly defined.  He is on equal footing with appearance, education and success.
  3. The SELF CENTERED parent may seem to be over-indulgent.  In truth, they find it easier to give things instead of time. So while indulging the child in their whims and over flowing their buckets too fast, they are doing it as a baby-sitter device so that they, the parent, have more time for themselves.  They may do the obligatory take them to S.S., church and/or VBS but, will do little to influence their child in spiritual matters themselves.   These parents are all about ‘me’ and their own bucket.  If their child learns about God it will be on their own as their parent has little interest in their spiritual life.
  4. And last, the INVOLVED parent is the parent that is prayerfully seeking how to raise their child.  They have the manual, God’s word, before them.  Their child comes here and they hold them in one arm and their bucket in another.  The time comes when they sit the child down and help the child to select things to put in their bucket.  At times the bucket becomes heavy, and they help their child carry the bucket.  The time will come when they can carry two buckets.  They hold on to their young firmly at first, then as they grow the palm loosens ever so slightly and finally opened as they are on their own.  However, the hand is always outstretched ready to grasp or be grasped throughout their life.

My daughter wants to be an involved parent, we all do.  The hard part is knowing when and how much.  Taking time to listen to your child and what they are asking is so important.   God draws us from the time we are born.  Jesus said:

John 6:44 “No man can come to me, except the Father which hath sent me draw him: and I will raise him up at the last day.”

John 12:32  “And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me.”

As parents we are His tool to guide and teach our children in the ways of the Lord and to recognize their need for God, and to respond to His call.  Listen to what your child is asking and they will let you know what they are ready for in the way of information.  Obviously, my granddaughter wants to understand right and wrong so we should answer her to the best of our ability.  Sometimes it is trial and error.  We will make errors but, we pray and ask for wisdom as we talk to them.  Four is not too young for them to understand right and wrong and start to ask questions.  When they understand, they will quit asking that question.  Involving older siblings, parents, aunts, uncles, SS teachers, ministers is equally important.  Sometimes we hear them ask over and over and sometimes they do not grasp our answer.  Do not squelch their asking, find the answer.

Another important thing to remember is that no two children are alike.  That in no way means one is less spiritual or not as smart.  Allow each to grow at their own pace.  Treat each child as unique and peculiar unto the Lord.  That is how He treats us.

*satan – I know people capitalize the “S” but, I don’t.  I refuse to give him any status of importance.  He’s a snake, so satan, devil, etc. are lower case, as he is one.
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Lighthouse, Compass, Ship’s Wheel


I normally only post one to two times a week.  However, today was … a hard day.  It reminded me of  raising my girls through their hard days and how it was sometimes difficult.

Everyone deals with pain some way, some how.   For me, this is one of those days, when you hurt so bad inside it has to get out.   As an adult I deal with my pain in several ways:

Write – writing about it on my blog
Cook – yes it’s 98 degrees, but it’s raining and I made homemade chili – good old soul food/comfort food for lunch
Shop – OK it was only WalMart for some essentials (not like when my mom would go buy a hat or a new pair of shoes)

One or all of those usually helps (I did all three).  I will tell you that I did my devotionals first.  Of course it helped and led to my writing.  However, when I am hurting I have to get busy.  I am not a saint and reading scripture does not fix things immediately but, it often helps me to think through what I have read while I am busy.  Truthfully, if reading the Scriptures fixed everything immediately, I believe  God would be finished with me here and I would already be in Heaven.   As a human I have to deal with the world and all that happens.  Devotionals are needed, but we all know it does not always ‘fix’ things.  We have to apply the Word to the pain.

Maybe I do not deal with my pain on my own;  maybe God uses others to help me deal.  Or maybe it is just that when I am busy getting things done it helps heal the pain.  I am sure some psychologist would say I am not dealing with what is hurting me.  However, I was raised by a mom that taught, “don’t sit, soak and sour’.  That is one of our Southern-ism sayings for, “toughen up, life’s hard”.

While I agree to a point that moving on is the best thing to do, it is also very important to talk your child through the pain.  Children do not know how to deal with pain on their own.  They watch you and you teach them through your actions.  What are they being taught?  You are setting patterns for them as an adult.  You need to teach them how to deal with pain in their life,  it is not automatic and you do not want them growing up blaming God for bad things in their life.

He steers us through rough waters

So what hurt today and why am I writing?  Well, my cat has been ill and this morning he died.  It was raining and my husband and I stood in the rain to bury him in the garden next to the Oleander bush.  We cried.  I am sure there are those that would say, “wow, over a cat?”.  Well no, it was much more.  It was just another domino in a long, long line of dominoes that include my husband loosing his job in a triple buy out 3 years ago and still not finding work, my mom dying, my daughter having a building collapsed on her in a tornado, my lupus battles, wedding, graduation, other family member deaths … too much of a recital? Sorry.  Just so you get the point, I am not a wimp, but sometimes there is that proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.

Now satan* attacks you during these times and he is not a respecter of age; he will attack your child early on as they go through tragedies in their life.  You never know what will be the last straw.  It may be something simple after many hard battles.  Yes, the death of a pet is tragic.  I can remember everything from a butterfly funeral to a tropical fish funeral.  I also remember my youngest losing her friend to cancer at nine.  I remember their pain and helping them deal with my brother’s plane crash.  I remember helping them through disappointments like not making the squad, missed opportunities, and first crushes.  Pain comes in all shapes and sizes.  Sometimes the little pains hurt more than the big ones.  You have to watch your child and not write them off with, “they’ll get over it”.  Ignoring it will just put it off until later and build a life time of  ‘not dealing’ and baggage they carry into their adult life.

So how do you talk to them?  I love the symbolism of the nautical life.   Explaining to your child how God cares and directs during troubled times is often easier by use of symbolism.  For small children, a visual aide helps; a lighthouse that they can turn on in a dark room, a compass to use as you walk and talk, or a toy boat they can steer in the water.  Of course for older children you can just discuss what they are going through and how God can guide them using scriptures.  Basically, all three of my symbols above point the same way, to Him.

  • The lighthouse – my favorite – He is our lighthouse, a light unto my feet.
  • The ship’s wheel – Steering and guiding us through trouble waters.
  • The compass – He directs our path through the narrow road

    He guides and directs our paths

  1. John 8:12 “When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”
  2. Psalm 119:105 “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.”
  3. Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
  4. Psalms 139:3 “Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.”
  5. Isaiah 48:17  “This is what the LORD says— your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.”

Of course small children will not understand how trials and tribulations build character, patience and virtue.

James 1:2-4 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

You need to continually reinforce that you are there for them as He is always there for them.  Above all, watch during hard times for open doors from the Lord to use that time to point towards Him.

*satan – I know people capitalize the “S” but, I don’t.  I refuse to give him any status of importance.  He’s a snake, so satan, devil, etc. are lower case, as he is one.

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The Greatest of These is Love


Children begin making friendships from their early years in nursery, preschool, children’s church and as they interact with siblings and relatives. All of the relationships in their lives will be built on love at some level. Scripture tells us in John 13:34-35 to LOVE one another:

34“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

I am totally amazed at how little kids are taught at home and at church about friendships, love, relationships, or looking for Mr./Mrs. Right. It is like we leave it out there for them to figure out  on their own.   It is something that affects their entire life whether they are a Christian or not. When you do not teach your child about something, someone else will. There are movies, magazines, and books all dealing with relationships, friendship, marriage and worldly views of love. Because the media throws the word around and makes it synonymous with sex most students I come in contact with have no idea of what makes a real friendship let alone a relationship or what they want in a marriage. As Christians we have the answer straight from the manual.   Have you really considered God’s word and what He has taught about love?  Everything you need to teach your child about these different aspects of relationships is taught in 1 Corinthians 13.  What is Love? How do you apply it to children as they grow so they will know what they are looking for when it “HITS” them?* (PLEASE READ NOTE AT END)

I Corinthians 13     LOVE IS:
kind, patient, never jealous, never boastful,

Love is NOT a game

never proud,

never rude,

never selfish,

never quick-tempered,

never holds grudge,

loves the truth,

saddened by evil,

supportive, hopeful, and trusting.

This is love.  Think about each area and apply them to whatever phase your child is in, learning to make friends, dating, or searching for the perfect will of God in their life mate.  When you are teaching your child about making friends you tell them the same thing you would tell a teenager about falling in love.  Basic truths must be consistent to have value.  They cannot change with age.  They also watch you to see how to love.  All of us can improve in that area.

I firmly believe that there are four areas that apply to making friends, relationships and ultimately marriage, and they are:

Balance all 4 areas
  • Friendship – every relationship should begin with friendship – of all the words describing love above, which one(s) would your child place into friendship?  I would think they would like to claim all of them about their friend, that’s what makes them a best friend.
  • Physical – there is a physical level of all relationships, whether just friends or someone you want to marry.  You should teach them that you have to be comfortable with their physical presence – as they change over time, age, fade physically, or an accident or illness sets in, none of that will matter.  You teach your child that skinny, fat, short, tall, braces … it does not matter.  So when they are older and looking for a lasting relationship, they are drawn to someone regardless of physical flaws. And then when they start dating, and chemistry sets in, the relationship is  not lopsided. Chemistry can fade, a relationship built only on hormones will fail (teach your teens this truth).  I tell kids, physical is not just about being ‘hot’ or ‘fine’.  Everywhere you look you see couples that in the human eye look ‘lopsided’.  And you think, “how did he/she get them?”  They have found the true physical balance that real love is about.
  • Spiritual – you have a spiritual concern for this person as a friend; you have a spiritual bond with them in a relationship.  If you are on two different wave lengths it will not work out. I am not allowed to talk about ‘spiritual’ matters at school.  I can only tell them that if they do not agree spiritually, like both are atheists, both environmentalists, both same theology, same beliefs, like faith, then they are bringing problems into the relationship; major hurdles to be jumped and negotiated until they are gone or they destroy the relationship.
  • Mental – you have to be able to communicate.  Many men do not want women that are more intellectual, but it goes further than that.  If one values the pursuit of education and the other scoffs at it their kids will receive mixed messages.  One will say, go play, you are only young once while the other wants to give them educational goals and values.  It is not just education, it is all things mental, you have to be on the same wave length and have a healthy respect for the other partner’s intellect.  Never should one joke about the other partner’s intelligence.

    • Basically, you have to be healthily balanced in all four areas.  You take into a relationship as few problems as you can, because when you take them in, they are in … until resolved and/or they destroy the relationship.

    When it comes to dating and marriage, the Bible is explicit about Christians seeking Christians.  It is hard to be ‘best friends’ with someone with whom you are not ‘equally yoked’ (2 Cor 6:14-18), even more so in a relationship or marriage.  I would go so far as to teach them they should not date a non-believer.  Do not tempt yourself into falling in love with a  non-believer by dating them.  By teaching your child the scriptures about love and what the four areas are, you help them when they are making those all important decisions in dating and marriage.   When they start dating should not be the first time they have thought about such matters or considerations.  Give your child the greatest gift, the ability to love as Christ loved us.   The greatest of these is LOVE.

    *If you have not already started praying for your child’s future husband/wife, then start now.  I started when my girls were infants.  If children are already teens, get busy praying.  I assure that satan is not waiting in his planning on making a mess of things.


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    Ouch! That hurt!


    No amount of good parenting takes away all the owies from your child’s life.  Whether by accident, or part of growing up or even self-inflicted,  they will have pain in life.  Teaching your child to sort through the pain and growing from it can be a monumental task at times.  The common sense ones we have no trouble with like, ‘I told you the stove was hot’ or “see, what did I tell you about running on concrete?”  These daily accidents, although sometimes self-inflicted, result in pain that brings many lessons in life.  The pain of touching the hot stove after you told them not to is an obvious lesson and quickly learned because of the quick consequences.

    But, what about the ‘stuff’ we push back and do not deal with until it is too late.  As adults we do this in our life, waiting, procrastinating, deciding it will not matter.  What you have to remember is that you are passing on this pattern to your child.  They are always watching.  How you deal with situations in your life is a daily lesson to them.  I was thinking about this while working in my yard this weekend.  The scripture Romans 1:19-20 came to mind:

    Romans 1:19-20

    “19For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. 20For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.”

    Get rid of your life's weeds.

    This is a great way to teach your child a Biblical truth.  Your child is watching and observing you with situations in your life every day.  What  are they learing?  Do you wait until it causes excruciating pain to deal with the issue?

    Consider spring yard work, or storm clean up to illustrate my point.  This past winter we had months of bitter cold instead of a couple of weeks.  The unusual hard winter killed most of my yard, and what it did not kill, it severely crippled.  This past weekend I finally got around to the last area.  I had put it off because from the street it looked fine.  There was plenty of green and flowers covering the winter damage.  My procrastination became evident when I started pruning back the area that had been left to its own wild growing.  Underneath were long, leggy stalks with no support that would have soon withered and not passed along nutrients to the beautiful outer growth and blooms.  Near the ground was rotting debris from the storm that had not been dealt with.  Eventually, the plants would have withered and died and I would need to replace them completely if I had waited much longer.  Amazing how all around us in nature are lessons and truths from God.  We have to deal with circumstances as they arise so that we teach our children to do so as well.  Otherwise, we end up with root rot and wild unhealthy growth.

    Of course there is the pain of growing up.  Sometimes through no one’s fault, life happens and it hurts.    The death of a pet, or worse a love one; financial hardship that takes away their piano lessons or football camp, these pains all hurt.  A friend moves away, a teacher over looks them on awards day, these hurt.  There are so many hurts as they grow that need to be handled.  They will ask why, just like we ask God why when we lose a job, a love one or get sick.  Life hurts.  The Bible tells us that the trials and tribulations are  testing:

    “In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith— of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire— may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honour when Jesus Christ is revealed.”
    I Peter 1:6-7

    Pruning. What's it doing for you?

    Trials build character, patience and faith.  That is hard to teach a child in concept if they are young.  However, the way you yourself react to similar pain is how they will learn first.  Are you patient?  Does the situation make you mad and you explode?  Mad is an emotion (my girls always hated this next phrase), “No one can make you mad.  You have to choose to be mad.”  It is true, you choose how you respond.  How are you teaching your child to react to the pain in their life?

    Sometimes though, our pain is self-inflicted.  We have been away from Him in our walk for so long that the ‘pruning’ finally has to happen for us to survive and it is severe.  Only you know if your season of pruning is simply growth in the Lord, a testimony for those watching you or if it is because you have gone your own wild way.  What’s hurting you and why?  Your kids are watching.