Christian parenting

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Persistent Perseverance Payoff = Patience


NEVER pray for patience unless you are willing to learn no matter the cost.  It is a valuable character trait.  However,  most humans I know are not patient.  That is probably the reason that patience lessons are the hardest.  I think God does not enjoy teaching us patience but, knows we need to learn.  It is a struggle, something we must learn (and re-learn) daily.

As parents we need to learn patience and we need to teach patience.  God patiently teaches us patience, although I know we are very trying at times (well, most of the time).

So how do you learn patience? How do you teach it to a child?  Persistence and perseverance come to mind.  When I was raising my daughters we had a rule in the house, if you started something new, you had to stick with it a year before you could quit.  Gymnastics, swimming, horseback riding, flute, French Horn, cheer-leading, track, tennis, tap, clubs, band, voice … piano.  You name it they took it or joined it somewhere along  the way.  I wanted them both to learn piano.  I knew it would teach them eye-ear-hand coordination and self-discipline, not to mention the added advantage that music training increases ones spacial learning which results in stronger academic achievements.  So I decided that piano they did for me.  I would let them join, take lessons, etc.  anything within reason as long as they studied piano.  My oldest started at six and my youngest at four.  I was persistent and they persevered.  We all learned patience.  The result was that they became well-rounded in many areas, successful academically and wonderful musicians.  My oldest is beginning to teach her daughter, age 4, piano and my youngest graduated with a music degree and has her own web page promoting her voice and piano lessons.  They learned self-discipline through their perseverance.  As adults they can stay the course and complete multi-tasking goals.

Our spiritual life is to be the same.  We are to be persistent in prayer, persevere the day-to-day trials and tribulations, allowing God to work patience in our life.  Toddlers can be taught patience through persistent instruction and discipline through love.  Just as we teach our young, God is always teaching us.

In Genesis 31:38-42 we read o f Jacob’s diligence and his patience.  In Proverbs 21:5 the scriptures tell us that hard work pays off.  In Mark 15:47 we are told that diligence allowed them to see Jesus.

Do not be passive parents.  Parenting is a participation action not a spectator one.  Get involved in the lives of your children at an early age helping them to set a goal they can achieve.  Encourage them, praise their work, guide them and keep them on task and rejoice with them as they achieve.  Every little goal accomplished teaches them.  Those goals become more complex as they grow.  When they are teens and young adults, they will be able to set achievable goals and accomplish much.

Allow your children to see you set goals and your persistence in accomplishing those goals.  Make sure they observe your perseverance and see you grow in patience.

Then, when trials and tribulations come your way, your patience and spiritual growth will help you face life.  Remember, life is 24/7/365 and we must have a spiritual focus on God our hope.  Defeat is when our spiritual feet are mired in the mud of life and sin and our focus is on our circumstances instead of Christ.

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CHRISTmas is coming …


 

Celebrate His Birth!

Sometime in October the Christmas  merchandise started arriving at our store.  The tree was pulled out from storage for display, the signage set and before you knew it November rolled in and so did Christmas.  Working in a Christian store at Christmas is a plus.  Christ is in CHRISTmas in our store, unlike the Mall.

 

I love to get my exercise by walking the mall and try to go there to walk when I can.  CHRIST is not in CHRISTmas at the mall.    I saw the tired and grumpy, the tired parents tugging along even more tired children (or worse, totally ignoring them).   I would like to have a ‘freeze’ button where I could freeze scenes and make people stand back and look at themselves.

As Christians we are the Light in the world.  At CHRISTmas time we should remind all we come into contact with that the Reason for the Season is CHRIST.  I remember writing Starbucks when they came out with their Holiday Blend Coffee and Target and WalMart over the Salvation Army ringers not being allowed, and their associates being instructed not to say Merry CHRISTmas.  We’ll see what happens this year.   I did see CHRISTmas Blend back in the window this year at Starbucks.

As I continued to walk the mall I saw many sad sights.  I love CHRISTmas paper, but Hallmark had no CHRISTmas paper.  It was all holiday wrap, festive and bright but, missing the true Light.  No nativity paper, no Rejoice the Lord is Come, not even any Angel paper.  Being the stinker I can be, I asked the Hallmark clerk where her CHRISTmas paper was.  She pointed to the holiday paper and I said, “no, that’s not CHRISTmas paper. It’s holiday paper.  I want paper that is about the true gift.”  You see someone challenged me to make a difference every chance I could during the holidays and I decided I am.  I may be politically incorrect, but, I figure the louder they are, the louder I will be.  Let’s shout to the world that CHRISTmas is coming.  We already started the CHRISTmas season and I have at least six weeks to use CHRISTmas as an open door.   I have decided I am going to say Merry CHRISTmas to everyone; I am going to thank every person that says Merry CHIRSTmas to me.  I am not buying anything that says Holiday instead of CHRISTmas.   I am not buying into the Xmas slogans that subtly take out CHRIST from CHRISTmas.  (That was the a  ploy of marketing people several years back.)  I am going to make a conscious effort to keep CHRIST in CHRISTmas as I move about my day-to-day activities.  I am going to smile and enjoy the season that celebrates  my Lord and Savior’s birth.   I will ask children I meet if they know whose birthday it is that we are celebrating.

And then on December the 26th, I am going to start celebrating CHRISTmas everyday and recognize that CHRIST sacrificed His place in Heaven to come here on earth and sacrifice His life so that I might have life in Heaven.

So here I go … Merry CHRISTmas!  Let the reason for the season be known and make sure your children and grandchildren know as well.

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Overwhelmed?


He IS carrying ME!

Ever feel overwhelmed?  As a parent when my children were young, there were many times when I just did not know how I could continue on through another day.  The worse years started in 1990 when my oldest brother was in his car wreck that ruined his life forever; both my parents had open heart surgery and dad had a stroke on the operating table; I had to deal with my own abnormal tests results.  The girls were 4 and 8, they still needed a mom.  I was so overwhelmed.  I just wanted that year to end.   The following year, 1991, was worse.  Dad died and I was diagnosed with Lupus which resulted in my being in bed more than out some weeks.  Right behind all of this my husband lost his job and then my middle brother was killed in a plane crash.  It seemed like unending years.  During that time my children would become overwhelmed as well with the issues our family were facing, problems at school, and troubles with friends.  Children often do.  We do not think of their problems as huge because we can see the big picture, and many times the outcome down the road,  if they would only be patient and learn from their trials.  Ah, yes, it’s the big picture again.  We are to our children, as God is to us.  He sees and knows, if we would only be patient and willing to learn.

We had many seasons of trials … it seems we cannot do just one tragedy, we have to have them in groups.   It is a shame that God has to re-teach us lessons.  Once again this week I have been overwhelmed.  Phil has been unemployed for over three years, during which time mom died, Victoria was in the tornado, and later her campus accident that left her elbow in three pieces.  NOW … this week the bank is foreclosing on our home and my new 40 hour a week job which includes nights and Saturdays is exhausting me.  There are some other issues as well.  I let the devil start whispering in my ear that all was lost and hopeless; that I was not up to the task God had set before me and that I was pretty much a useless piece of clay.  No, I was not suicidal … but, I was defeated.   Oh, the devil loves to have us defeated.   But, I have friends and loved ones praying for me and I was praying in earnest for mercy as well.  And then He sent friends to me to talk to me,  stand beside me and pray, to lift me up.

As God often does, in the midst of my ‘defeat’, He sent someone for me to help while I was down.  I had a young girl crumbling before me that was overwhelmed.  Like my children, I could see her problems were overwhelming to her, but they would not destroy her.  God put me in “mom” mode.  I had to turn her to the Scriptures I know so well and tell her to stand on His promises.

Isaiah 42:16 “I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.”
1 Corinthians 10:13
“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”

I shared these and other scriptures with her as she cried.  I told her nothing is going to enter our life that is going to take away our Faith.  God will provide a way out.  Ours is to be faithful, not to solve.  Ours is to trust and obey and lean on the everlasting arms.  Our burdens are His to carry.  Let Him.

I was preaching to myself.  God’s timing, God’s plan, God’s will be done.  “Keep me leaning on the Everlasting Arms!”.

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?? What IF? ??


 

IF?

 

What IF?  I had a teacher that instilled in her class to ask, “What IF?”.   Basically, she was teaching us to ‘think it through’.  There are those that say, “if only I had”, or “if things were different”, etc.   But, what she wanted us to learn was to weigh the consequences.  God’s word has many ‘ifs’, too many to list in a short space like a blog.  But, here is the idea …

2 Chronicles 7:14

“IF my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”

“IF” … “then”.   That is a cause and effect.  Throughout the Bible God says, “if” we do something, “then” something will happen.  Society has forgotten there are consequences.  God expects us to teach our children to THINK through, to be responsible, to understand consequences.   This was one of my favorite object lessons in classes at the high schools where I worked.  There were teenagers following the crowd, the media, Hollywood.  They were not thinking for themselves.   IF only their parents had taught them to ‘think through things’, in scenario form, THEN maybe these students would have been making wiser choices.   Of course I was not allowed to teach morality.  BUT, I was allowed to teach them to think.  In fact I was encouraged to engage students in thinking as part of my job.

In almost every class somewhere during the day, students would get into an ‘current issues’ debate.  While I could not instigate the debate or ‘throw’ in my views (unless specifically asked), I could interject “WHAT IF?”   That would always get things going.   Their first question back would always be, “what if WHAT?”   At this point I would look at both sides of the discussion and ask them to explain, “what if you are WRONG?”  Here are some  brief examples from some of the classes to show you how we started (the discussions were much longer of course and they really had to think out why they believed what they believed):

ABORTION:   “What if you are wrong?”
ProChoice: “Then they have murdered innocent lives.”  ProLife:  “A baby will be born”.
JESUS IS LORD:  “What if you are wrong?”
Atheist, other religions: “They are going to hell.”  Christians: “They have lived a life of service, love, and good.”
PREMARITAL SEX: “What if you are wrong?”
Believe it’s ok: They are adulterers, fornicators, guilt, health risks for nothing etc.
Abstinence until marriage:  “They have purity, no guilt, little health risks.

Starting children when they are young to ask “what if they are wrong”, will help them as pre-teens and teens to handle peer pressure and to think on their feet.  It will help them as adults to make important decisions, especially when satan* is making everything ‘gray’.   When your little one is thinking about doing something wrong and you see them, do not yell “DON’T”.   Instead, use our Heavenly Father’s model.  “If” …. “then“.   (Now obviously, I am not talking about when they are about to reach for a hot curling iron, are touching a sharp tool, or doing anything dangerous.)   It is important to instill in them the ability to reason, to question, to make good decisions … to think on their feet.    So look at them and tell them they have the opportunity to make a decision like a big boy or girl … tell them to make sure it is a good decision and ask them, “what if you are wrong?”

Use every opportunity you can when your child is disobeying to look at them and tell them they are making a decision.  Make them aware of their actions.  Tell them IF they continue to not listen and to disobey, THEN you will have to punish them.  IF they obey, THEN they reap the good consequences.  PLUS, most little children like knowing they pleased their parent.   Children like to know their parents are proud of them.  Make sure you acknowledge their good decisions and tell them how proud you are of them.

As an adult this should ring true in your life.  Daily, we have decisions, choices … some we rationalize and make gray when they are not.  God’s word says “IF” … “THEN“.  We have decisions to make and God has filled the Bible with the wisdom we need to make those decisions.  Yet, like children, many times we CHOOSE to disobey willingly and then whine when we receive the punishment and consequences.  Why?  WE chose them, not Him.  He told us what would happen.   God’s word says in Isaiah 5 (and so many other passages) ‘woe be unto you’ when you make wrong choices.   Wrong choices, a.k.a. SIN.

Do you have a decision to make today?  Talk it out in front of your child.  Use it as an opportunity to teach them how to decide.   Take every opportunity to show your child and let them watch you asking yourself, “what if I am wrong?” … ‘what if I am right?”

*satan – I know people capitalize the “S” but, I don’t.  I refuse to give him any status of importance.  He’s a snake, so satan, devil, etc. are lower case, as he is one.
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Don’t Go To Bed Mad


Don't Go To Bed MAD!

I really do not remember when I was taught the concept, however, I do know I always taught my girls to ‘never go to bed mad’.  Walking out of the room and cooling down before you say something you will regret is one thing, but, allowing it to fester and develop in to real ‘soul’ problems between one another is sin.  It also can be very hard to live with should a tragedy strike before you resolve an issue.  Remember, words out of the mouth cannot go back in any easier than pushing toothpaste back in the tube.

Today is my middle brother Bobby’s birthday.  He was killed in a plane crash in 1997.  Earlier that day he called me about something to do with the new church our families were helping start.  It was a good talk, we laughed and we said “love you” .   (I have an earlier blog post about helping children through HARD TIMES).  I have always been so thankful that we talked that morning.  Two hours later I received the phone call that his plane had catastrophic engine failure and crashed.  He was gone in a blink of an eye.

Growing up Bobby picked on me, A LOT!  It is safe to say we did not get along and I did not always like him.  As adults he actually apologized, I let go of my hard feelings and we became very close and I am so glad.  It made me want to make sure my girls, Rebekah and Victoria, did not go through this problem.  I wanted them to be close.  I had the threat of, “if you two keep arguing I will make you sit facing each other, knees touching, holding hands and smiling for five minutes” as a tool.  If they stopped smiling in that five minutes I would add a minute.  (I actually used this in elementary school classrooms to stop bickering girls.  It really works.)

Bobby was a young 49 years old.  He was a strong Christian, a trustee in the new church and very active in his community.  The future looked great for him.  He was living the good life, very successful and well liked.  It is hard when the good die young.   Victoria lost a close friend to cancer at 9 years old.  One of my nephews died of a brain tumor in his 30’s.  No one knows what tomorrow holds; we are not even guaranteed the rest of today.  It is important to keep your accounts ‘short’ and to teach your children to do so as well (remember they are watching).  I am glad that through the years  I taught my girls to  resolve issues and never ‘go to bed mad’ as much as is humanly possible.

God’s word says:

Ephesians 4:26 (NIV)

“In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry…”

There will be some accounts that they can not resolve.  However, they should have their side in order with God’s word.  They should not go to bed angry.  Teach them to ‘let it go’.  Growing up in our church on New Year’s we had a Watch Night Service.   Everyone was given a piece of bread and about 15 minutes before midnight we spent the time going among the members giving each other a piece of bread of our bread and telling them we loved them.  It was a ‘love feast’.  The idea was to use the time to bury hatchets, apologize and leave the ‘old’ in the old year and start the New Year on right terms.

Keep your accounts short.  Your kids are watching.  If they see or know your anger towards someone, make sure they see or hear you make it right.  Do you have any phone calls or visits you need to make?