children

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Ouch! That hurt!


No amount of good parenting takes away all the owies from your child’s life.  Whether by accident, or part of growing up or even self-inflicted,  they will have pain in life.  Teaching your child to sort through the pain and growing from it can be a monumental task at times.  The common sense ones we have no trouble with like, ‘I told you the stove was hot’ or “see, what did I tell you about running on concrete?”  These daily accidents, although sometimes self-inflicted, result in pain that brings many lessons in life.  The pain of touching the hot stove after you told them not to is an obvious lesson and quickly learned because of the quick consequences.

But, what about the ‘stuff’ we push back and do not deal with until it is too late.  As adults we do this in our life, waiting, procrastinating, deciding it will not matter.  What you have to remember is that you are passing on this pattern to your child.  They are always watching.  How you deal with situations in your life is a daily lesson to them.  I was thinking about this while working in my yard this weekend.  The scripture Romans 1:19-20 came to mind:

Romans 1:19-20

“19For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. 20For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.”

Get rid of your life's weeds.

This is a great way to teach your child a Biblical truth.  Your child is watching and observing you with situations in your life every day.  What  are they learing?  Do you wait until it causes excruciating pain to deal with the issue?

Consider spring yard work, or storm clean up to illustrate my point.  This past winter we had months of bitter cold instead of a couple of weeks.  The unusual hard winter killed most of my yard, and what it did not kill, it severely crippled.  This past weekend I finally got around to the last area.  I had put it off because from the street it looked fine.  There was plenty of green and flowers covering the winter damage.  My procrastination became evident when I started pruning back the area that had been left to its own wild growing.  Underneath were long, leggy stalks with no support that would have soon withered and not passed along nutrients to the beautiful outer growth and blooms.  Near the ground was rotting debris from the storm that had not been dealt with.  Eventually, the plants would have withered and died and I would need to replace them completely if I had waited much longer.  Amazing how all around us in nature are lessons and truths from God.  We have to deal with circumstances as they arise so that we teach our children to do so as well.  Otherwise, we end up with root rot and wild unhealthy growth.

Of course there is the pain of growing up.  Sometimes through no one’s fault, life happens and it hurts.    The death of a pet, or worse a love one; financial hardship that takes away their piano lessons or football camp, these pains all hurt.  A friend moves away, a teacher over looks them on awards day, these hurt.  There are so many hurts as they grow that need to be handled.  They will ask why, just like we ask God why when we lose a job, a love one or get sick.  Life hurts.  The Bible tells us that the trials and tribulations are  testing:

“In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith— of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire— may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honour when Jesus Christ is revealed.”
I Peter 1:6-7

Pruning. What's it doing for you?

Trials build character, patience and faith.  That is hard to teach a child in concept if they are young.  However, the way you yourself react to similar pain is how they will learn first.  Are you patient?  Does the situation make you mad and you explode?  Mad is an emotion (my girls always hated this next phrase), “No one can make you mad.  You have to choose to be mad.”  It is true, you choose how you respond.  How are you teaching your child to react to the pain in their life?

Sometimes though, our pain is self-inflicted.  We have been away from Him in our walk for so long that the ‘pruning’ finally has to happen for us to survive and it is severe.  Only you know if your season of pruning is simply growth in the Lord, a testimony for those watching you or if it is because you have gone your own wild way.  What’s hurting you and why?  Your kids are watching.

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Practical Lessons


Today I have spent time adding a new tab to my blog, Practical Lessons.  It is summertime and rather than allow your children to vegetate in front of some electronic device, find ways to teach them about God.  I had an adult S.S. teacher that called this “I SPY GOD”.  It is good for all of us to constantly see God in all that we do and arm ourselves against satan’s attacks.  There is so much to learn about God, from the kitchen to the shore, to the back deck and more.  (I know, but I love to rhyme).  I hope you enjoy the few lessons I have put up and will add to them from time to time just as I add to Gwen’s Pen and Dinner Time.  ENJOY!

PS: These are excerpts from my book and are copyrighted (sorry, have to throw the legal jargon in – see my copyright notice for blog at bottom as well).

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I Got Rights!


Rights.

The Justice or Injustice of Life

While raising kids you will hear them express what they perceive to be their rights on a daily (if not hourly) basis.  “That’s not right. That’s not fair.”  They have their perception of what are their rights and what is fair.  It is your responsibility to teach them what their rights are and what is fair.  Teach your children from the child rearing manual, the Bible.  And they learn from watching YOU follow that manual for your own life.

My daughters grew up hearing the standard retorts we grew up with, “I don’t have to be fair, I’m your mom, life’s not fair.”  I believe that as adults we are guilty of the same attitude with God.  “That’s not fair”, is uttered in our mind and hearts if not out loud. Honestly, as we look around at those that are still employed and are suffering no economic hardship, it is difficult not to look towards Heaven and question the fairness.   Except for the fact that we have no money, no idea what is going to happen to us, our home, etc., Phil and I have never been so blessed.  We have wonderful daughters and we have each other.  Simplistic as it may seem, we have our needs of food, clothes, shelter and love for TODAY.  Our daily bread, so to speak.

It really all boils down to needs and wants.  I often told my girls they were brought into this world with the right to a place to sleep, food to eat and clothes to wear.  I told them that nothing guaranteed them a private bedroom decorated to their taste, clothes that they liked to wear or their favorite foods.   All of those luxuries were earned, not rights.  Of course I never held them to just a pallet on the floor, one pair of shoes and one change or clothes and bread and water.  Most parents want the best for their children and we enjoy lavishing them with the best.

I am fond of reminding people how everything on earth is a minuscule picture of our relationship with our Heavenly Father.  God has promised us a place to sleep, food to eat and clothes to wear.  Everything else is His blessings.   We do not earn our blessings based on our works.   Just like we may want to bless our children but do not do so because of timing or their being ready for such blessings, God too, has a perfect timing for what He has for us.  Seriously, who would give a sports car to a toddler?  We receive what we need and want when it is in accordance to God’s will and timing.  If blessings were based on works, the Apostles would not have suffered.  Suffering is not a sign that God does not love us or has forgotten us.  God does know our needs as well as our hearts desires.  Going through times of hardship, we tend to think God has quit loving us.  Have you ever heard your child say, “you just don’t love me” when you denied a perceived right or held back a wanted item?  Even as adults we can be so childish.  God loves us and He has a perfect timing.  I could scream I have rights to the Lord.  We’ve been faithful in all areas of our lives, so why are we about to lose all that we have left, the house, the cars?  What will we do?  Where will we get food? Where will we sleep?  We have rights Lord, right?  We are your children Lord, right?  Right.   And what does the Bible tell us?

Matthew 6:

25“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his lifeb?

28“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Just as you love your child and you want to give them all their needs and even all their wants that you can, so does God love us and want to give us all our needs and even our hearts desires.  When you trust, fully trust and when you obey, fully obey, God can and will do everything to work His perfect will in your life IN HIS TIME.  Ultimately, that is what you want is it not?  His perfect will?  We cannot even imagine the blessings He has for us in His perfect timing.  SO many times we settle for less than His best because we want it now, RIGHT now.  We still have a place to sleep and food to eat.  We have no idea where God is leading us or what is in store.  Do we want to know?  Right now?  Of course we do.  However, if we can be still, and know that He is God and wait on Him then we, our children and all those watching us, will have grown in Him and in our faith.

Matthew 7:11
If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!

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Is God Deaf?


Do you know how your kids quit listening when you are screaming at them?  Or how you quit hearing someone who is too loud and just get angry and tune them out?   Noise.   Sometimes we are just noise.  I wonder what God feels about noise?

“God’s word says in Psalm 100:1,  Make a joyful noise unto the LORD, all ye lands.”

Is God Deaf? Then Why Do We Act Like it?

But, what is noise?  Webster’s Dictionary says:

1 : loud, confused, or senseless shouting or outcry
2 a : sound; especially : one that lacks agreeable musical quality or is noticeably unpleasant b : any sound that is undesired or interferes with one’s hearing of something c : an unwanted signal or a disturbance (as static or a variation of voltage) in an electronic device or instrument (as radio or television); broadly : a disturbance interfering with the operation of a usually mechanical device or system d : electromagnetic radiation (as light or radio waves) that is composed of several frequencies and that involves random changes in frequency or amplitude e : irrelevant or meaningless data or output occurring along with desired information
3 : common talk : rumor; especially : slander
4 : something that attracts attention <the play…will make little noise in the world — Brendan Gill>
5 : something spoken or uttered
6 : a style of rock music that is loud, often discordant, and usually uses electronic noise (as feedback)

I seriously doubt this is what God was looking for, however, sometimes I think that is what we give Him.   Is God deaf?  Of course not, but sometimes we praise Him as if He is.  Louder is not always better if the message is lost and we are not drawn closer to the Lord.  The Lord and His message should always be the utmost focus of our praise no matter how we are praising.

How are we teaching our children to praise the Lord?  Everyone is different and they all need to be able to praise Him.   The Bible in Basic English translation says, “Make a glad sound to the Lord, all the earth.”  Now, that I can relate to. Last night was one of those nights where you hear everything; the distant train, the frogs croaking, the cat stretching.  They were all soft sounds, but I heard them all distinct and clear.  This morning I went out to work in the yard before the sun hit the area.  I heard a dove cooing, a lizard scurrying, a squirrel’s chatter.  All soft, but I heard them.  I like quiet.  Quiet, quiets me.  When Jesus went into the Garden of Gethsemane the Bible says in Matthew 26:36-46, that He knelt alone in quiet prayer.  When I am praying and praising the Lord, the quieter I get, the more I am praising Him.  That is who I am, because I am an outgoing, outspoken person, I need to be quiet to praise the Lord the most.  Everyone praises differently.  Everything praises the Lord. Niagara is magnificent, but there are more underground streams, babbling brooks, forest and mountain streams then there are magnificent waterfalls. All life praises the Lord. The soaring Eagle praises the Lord, but so does the Hummingbird whose wings are the only sound you hear.

Children as they grow learn how to praise the Lord in their own way. Some, unfortunately, are just following their peers.   So many are just  following the ‘band’ and not the ‘leader’. They talk about ‘the band’ and not the ‘leader’ or His ‘message’. When they go to hear the band  they talk only  about how good the music was and they never mention the Lord or His message.  This is when they have raised a false god and have lost sight of the ‘leader’ and the ‘message’. Encourage your child to praise the Lord in their own way as long as they always hear His message and focus on the Lord.

Consider:
Psalm 23:2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters…

Ecclesiastes 9:17 The quiet words of the wise are more to be heeded than the shouts of a ruler of fools.

1 Thessalonians 4:11-1211Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, 12so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.

Isaiah 32:17 The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever.

1 Peter 3:4 Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

MLA Style
“noise.” Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary. 2010.

Merriam-Webster Online. 21 June 2010
<http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/noise&gt;

APA Style

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Consequences


Actions = Reactions

I am amazed at the lack of ability for people to see that their actions affect anyone other than themselves.  Consider the angry driver that speeds out of sight as the two cars they swerved through head for ditches; the over-eating, over-drinking or over-smoking family member that says it only hurts them; or the teenage who swears it is their life to mess up and none of your business. As you are reading those scenarios you can easily find the consequences.  Yet, everyday we act without seeing the long-range effect on those actions.   The ‘lecture’ on consequences is one of my most discussed with students.

Children often need to be reminded that their actions have consequences, good ones and bad ones.  It is important to give them examples of both so they know it is good actions that everyone benefits the most from.  In teaching this concept you can take a  bucket of water, a tub, pool or lake and hand them something  to toss in the water.  Ask them to toss it in so that the water cannot be disturbed.  Impossible.  No matter what they do, they will not be able to pass the object through the water without disturbing the surface.  The bigger the action, the bigger the reaction, or consequence.  Choices, we make them everyday and our actions always have reactions or consequences.   What defines our actions?

  1. What we read, hear, see = our thoughts
  2. What we think = attitude
  3. Our attitude = character
  4. Our character = actions

If someone’s actions are negative they cause negative reactions which means we must change what they read, hear and see.  It is important to show the flip side of the coin by praising positive actions that equaled positive reactions.  For example, studying, doing homework, etc. = better grades.  Or, showing respect and consideration = receiving respect and consideration, which results in more privileges and responsibility.

Unfortunately, we are in a world ruled by sin.  Sin is a huge pebble thrown in the pond and its ripples are the consequences that are far-reaching, even into the next generations.  In 1 Samuel 3 the Bible tells of Eli’s penalty for not stopping his sons’ actions.  Eli paid the price of ‘in-action’ over his sons ‘actions’.

11And the Lord said to Samuel: “See, I am about to do something in Israel that will make the ears of everyone who hears of it tingle. 12At that time I will carry out against Eli everything I spoke against his family—from beginning to end. 13For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons made themselves contemptible, and he failed to restrain them. 14Therefore, I swore to the house of Eli, ‘The guilt of Eli’s house will never be atoned for by sacrifice or offering.’”

Eli’s sin was allowing desecration of the house of the Lord.  He knew about what his sons were doing and did nothing.  Makes you wonder doesn’t it?  I know parents who have thrown in the towel over their minor children and said, “what can I do?”.  EVERYTHING you can, is what God expects.  God holds mothers and fathers responsible for how their children act, what they read, hear and see.  The problem is, parents allow things to slip by until the children are so out of control it will take a war to win.  Some say they pick their battles, but that usually means they finally exit the war.  Raising children is spiritual warfare and the other side is not sitting idle.

Inaction IS an action.  I recently heard two boys discussing hitting back over a senseless killing.  I could have kept walking the class room and ignored them.  Trust me, it is easier.  However,  1) I knew they saw I heard them, and 2) that ‘feeling’ you get inside when you know you are supposed to speak and want to choose not to was choking me to get out.   So I went back and looked at the young man and asked, ‘What will that do’?  He said, “It will get even, I can’t just do nothing”.  I looked at him and said, “You cannot throw a rock in the water and not expect a splash.”  Blunt statements that seem senseless usually get their attention.  I then asked him, “What if they get even and ‘hit’ you back?”  He said, “We all gotta die sometime.”  Death is not a feared consequence any more.  We have desensitized a whole generation.  I asked him if he thought someone would get even for him, he thought they would.  I then asked him, “What if it’s your grandmother, or your mother, or baby sister they hit next and how will those left behind feel then?”  I had his attention.  First, death is not the end of anything, even if you do not believe in afterlife.  Second, there are those left behind after a shooting, suicide, death or self-inflicted cancer.  Even if you die, someone is forced to live with your action’s consequences.

The Bible says in Matthew 7:16-20 ,

16By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? 17Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. 19Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

Your actions define what kind of tree you are.   What will your actions cause today?