Christian parenting

by

Pick Your Battles!


Is that what God is asking parents to do?  Pick the battles?  Are not all battles HIS?  Which means the victor is decided, so why not fight the battle?  So by picking your battles are you not just really choosing which ones not to fight?  Really?  Leaving them for satan* to claim without a struggle?  Hey, it is your child, not somebody else’s … certainly not satan’s* (although I have heard parents say their child is the spawn of satan* in jest.  Sad, right?)

Acts 9:1-21 ~  God turned Saul into Paul.  Saul saw Jesus …  Paul praised Jesus.  Jesus brings change.  There is no child that cannot be made into a child of God by Jesus.  Show them Jesus in you.   Be careful what they see, hear and say.  It is a parent’s job; not the churches, not the schools.  They can only reinforce.  If God made you a mother or a father, then be the parent.   PARENTS decide.  You do not lord over them, however, you set the parameters, the borders in which they live their lives.   You cannot ‘pick’ battles.   They are all battles that God has won. If something they are doing is really bothering you then sit them down and tell them what it is, why it is wrong and why it is not going to be allowed.   Do not wave it off because you do not want a conflict, you do not want to ‘fight that battle’.  Realize that the thing that is bothering you is the Holy Spirit telling you to be the parent.

Let me give you a couple of recent examples:

 Mom comes into our store and asks for some HipHop/Rap artists.   She says she does not know what to do.  She hates the music, cannot understand it and does not want it in their home.  She says she hopes the words are okay, it is hard to understand and is so loud.  Then she says, “What are you to do? You have to pick your battles.”

Another mother walks in with her preteen and teen daughters.  Mini-shorts would be longer on these girls.  Cheeky is an understatement.   She sees the eyes of women around her and sighs, “What is a mom to do? At least I know where they are.  You have to pick your battles”.

Neither of these are picking battles, nor are they parenting.  They simply do not want confrontation.  The truth is, if Jesus is not seen in their child, they have handed the battle over, that Jesus has already won, to satan*.   If the Message cannot be discerned in the music, if it cannot be understood, then it is just noise.   If the appearance is not modest, if it implies you are anything but a Christian, then it is not for your darlings.

You do NOT pick your battles.  You can choose what IS a battle.  Let me assure you, the Holy Spirit will let you know where to draw the line.  Ignoring it is NOT PICKING YOUR BATTLES.   Where problems arise is when parents never set boundaries.  When they are little you teach them to dress as Christians.  That does not mean they are in long robes, unfashionable, etc.  It means, you teach them their Christian character must show through the clothes.  When my girls were toddlers I would lay out clothes for the day from which they could choose.  They did not pick pj’s to wear to church (as I have seen done) simply because those were not within the boundaries for that day.  When they were old enough to help choose the clothes they wanted to wear, I would scout out the store if possible before hand.  If not, as we walked through I would point out areas they could choose from.  When they started wearing makeup they were taught that if someone says, “nice eye makeup, love the eyeliner,  or nice lipstick, ….”  instead of, “you look nice”, then they had on too much of the item.

In other words, making something stand out overwhelms the total person.  They never wore words on their backsides.  Never understood why parents would want everyone walking by to stare at their daughters’ backside.  Just think about it.  Seriously?  And cleavage?  Seriously?  The current fashions include showing your boxers, your bras, …. seriously?  And leggings are glorified pantyhose; revealing every crease and body dimple. THOSE ARE BATTLES.  God holds you responsible for your child’s testimony.  There is no way that people are looking at your child and thinking wow look at that testimony for Christ.  If their appearance causes lust, you are responsible before God. 

Women and their daughters baring shoulders, thighs, anything that would cause a man to stumble in church just blows my mind.   How are they going to stand before God and say, “I was just picking my battles.  They were in church to worship, were they not?”

It is your job to teach your son and daughter to walk, talk and look Godly, not worldly.  They can be very fashionable within parameters set by His word.  They do not need to be social outcasts.  Parents that succumb to their kids dress wishes, music wishes, curfew wishes have long ago allowed the child to be the parent.  Taking back your role as parent will not be pretty, battles never are.  Jesus won that battle, ask Him how to proceed.

1 Thessalonians 2:12 (NASB) “that you would walk in a manner worthy of the God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory.”

Ephesians 4:1-2 (HCSB) “Therefore I, the prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk worthy of the calling you have received, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, acceptingone another in love…”

*satan – I know people capitalize the “S” but, I do not.  I refuse to give him any status of importance.  The devil is a snake, so satan, devil, etc. are lower case, as he is one.

by

Overwhelmed, Take #2!


Task too big?  Job got you down?  House a wreck?  Kids out of control?   Arrrrggggghhhhhhh!   Right?  Wrong.

So I woke up … EARLY (on my off day no doubt.)  You know when you have plans how you just wake up early, even when you did not have to for several hours?  This day was no different, I had plans.   The goal?  Major cleaning.  Ever wake up tired, unable to face the task or the day ahead?  That was this morning.  But, this time as I lay there I started talking with the Lord.

“Lord.  You know I am tired.  You know I am out of remission (I am having a bout with my Lupus), worn down … my get up and go, got up and went.”    And in the quietness of my heart I heard Him say, “I never get overwhelmed, tired, down, out of control.  Leave it to me.”  And so I said, “Lord, I do not want to be discouraged by the overwhelming tasks ahead, but facts are facts.  I am tired just thinking about it, doomed before I start.  Please give me the strength,Lord,  the “uumph” I need to tackle everything.”

I got up, had my devotions and ate my breakfast.  Then I began.  Three loads of laundry:  Darks, whites, permanent press.  I turned and saw a task I needed to handle.  I did it.  Then another one, and I did it … and so on.  By noon I had done so much and I was not tired.  All of a sudden I realized I had not seen it with “overwhelmed eyes”.  I did not see the “big picture”, only small tasks I could accomplish one by one.  I saw as He sees, little bits and pieces.  They make up a big picture, but He sees the details.  Unlike Him, we need to look at the small bits and pieces of the problem, tasks, job, cleaning  …. you get the idea. God can handle looking at the whole thing and not be overwhelmed, that is why we place it in His hands.  When we look at the total picture we just get discouraged.

Remember:

Philippians 4:13 (HCSB) “I am able to do all things through Him who strengthens me.”
 

Allow God to break whatever your “it” is down into manageable portions … let Him delve out those portions instead of taking on the whole by yourself.

by

Never quite good ’nuff …. never.


So get over it … you are never going to be good enough in your own eyes … for yourself, for your family or especially for God.  But, that’s okay.  So get over it … now.

… and get over it!

God doesn’t love you because you are going to be perfect in Heaven.  He does not love you because you are getting better every day, or as L’Oreal says, “you’re worth it”.  Get over ‘self’ and telling God your sorry you are not being the child of God He expects.

“I cannot make myself right with God; I cannot make my life perfect. I can only be right with God if I accept the atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ as an absolute gift. Am I humble enough to accept it? I have to surrender all my rights and demands, and cease from every self-effort. I must leave myself completely alone in His hands, and then I can begin to pour my life out in the priestly work of intercession. There is a great deal of prayer that comes from actual disbelief in the atonement. Jesus is not just beginning to save us— He has already saved us completely. It is an accomplished fact, and it is an insult to Him for us to ask Him to do what He has already done.” ~ Oswald Chambers

Do not let satan* lie to you and convince you cannot do something because you are not good enough.  Do not consume prayer time everyday telling God how worthless you are and how sorry you are that you are not being a better Christian. There is a time for that, repentance … but, it is not a crutch for not praying for others or doing the work He calls you to do.  Spend your prayer time in intercession for others and God will complete His work in you.  I will not go into how the Bible directs us to pray (you can read that blog at “Now I Lay Me”.)

Remember, God made you, He saved you. Now move on and do not be stagnant.

“I know the One I have believed in and am persuaded that He is able to guard what has been entrusted to me until that day.” 2 Timothy 1:12b HCSB
 

Self pity, self-doubt … anything that begins with ‘self’, is going to get you off course.  It keeps you from claiming His power.  If you don’t, then you will raise children who do not understand His power.  Do not fall into satan’s* trap of lies.  God loves you just as you are.  Claim His love, His power and step out in faith.  Otherwise you sit and sour.  At the risk of repeating myself (but, it bears repeating), re-read “JUST DO IT”  if you need too.

Philippians 4:13 (NASB) “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”

*satan – I know people capitalize the “S” but, I don’t.  I refuse to give him any status of importance.  He’s a snake, so satan, devil, etc. are lower case, as he is one.
by

“Teacher’s Pet”


You either have been or knew someone that was “the teacher’s pet”.  

They even made a movie about it once upon a time.  Favorite, we all want to be one.  We all have one, not just teacher’s.

In the Bible, “pets” or favorites, caused many problems.  Genesis 25 relates what happens when parents play favorites as did Isaac and Rebekah.  In Matthew 20 we read of a mother in verse 21 that says, “Grant that one of these two sons of mine may sit at your right and the other at your left in your kingdom.”  She wanted her sons given favor over the others.

“Pets”, favorites, going to the same people over and over.  The teacher does it, the parent does it, the employer does it, the choir director, the pastor, the ….. EVERYONE.  We all have favorites.  Sometimes when we repeatedly go to the same people we bypass more deserving people, hurting them; and we shortcut God’s ministry by not giving Him the opportunity to bless through others.

We all can set aside our preferences and allow God to use everyone He will.  As a parent, you can bless your children by going to the one “least likely”.   Even if you have only one child, you can set aside yourself or spouse by allowing God to use them.  Tap into the strength of others, not your usual “go to” people.  That may be a child, a student, an employee, someone in your church.   Do not ignore the “inkling” to ask someone to do something by thinking through it and convincing yourself you could do it better, or someone else could do it better.  God loves to use those we deem weaker vessels, perfect for the job in His eyes.

Validate others, even if you could do it better yourself.   You may be surprised to find the result far exceeds anything that could have resulted from you or others.   Moses was called out as a leader (Exodus 4) and asked for Aaron’s help doubting what God could do in him, the weak vessel.  How often do we shortcut God and make a hindrance to His work.

Today, if God gives you the opportunity, let Him take someone you view ordinary and make them extraordinary.

by

Short cut!


Short cuts…

Short cuts

they save time and gas money on our journeys.  We love them.  Most of us know all the ones around our area.  Then there are the short cuts on computers.  Recognize any in the picture?  I love them … they save time AND brain cells.

Got any boxed mixes in the cabinet?  Oh yeah, love those too … save time, energy and it is a fast road to something good to eat.

I guess I really love the computer ones; especially the one at the top that helps with all of my “too quick to click” problems.  (UNDO or Ctrl + Z.)

Our short cut mentality takes over in every area of our lives.  Once we start incorporating it in one area, it slips over into another, then another.  But, we get the job done.  Or, do we?  You see people taking “short cuts” in their work, raising their kids and even in their spiritual lives.  They use quick fixes … putting off the inevitable.  Unfortunately, like our little computer menu, they need an  “UNDO” because eventually short cuts catch up with you.

Remember the movie “SANTA CLAUS” where the elf, Patches, designs a machine to shortcut production?  That turned out well., right?  How about at your job, or as a mom … a dad, an employee, or a church volunteer; taking any short cuts and “getting ‘er done”?  Sometimes it is not about finishing, in fact most of life is not just finishing, it is how you got to the finish; the journey.

Many  are wiping their brows, “whew, got them graduated”.   A diploma from high school, college, etc. is nice.  You “got ‘er done”.  Now comes the hard part, where you sit back and see if  all the short cuts you took raising them are going to back fire.  Are there “holes” in their so-called education?  Oh, they can read and write, but where are they on a spiritual level?  Where are they in character?  What values do they have, if any?  Did you just raise them the way you were raised, or maybe you insisted on raising them “better than your parents raised you”.

Look at your work ethics.  Will they work like you?  Is that a good thing?  How about your spiritual life; will they walk like you?  Is that a good thing?  Have you passed on a “short cut” mentality to the next generation?  Is saving time a good thing?  What did you really save?

The good news is, in the Christian life there is an “UNDO” button =  Control + Christ.  Did any of those “too quick to click” maneuvers backfire  in an area of your life and  you do not know how to fix the mess you have made?  Put it in His hands.  It is never too late to turn it over to Him.  He has been waiting  for you to relinquish control.  At work, at home, raising kids, volunteering at church … put the control in Christ’s hands.

PROVERBS 3: 5-7 “5  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. 7  Do not be wise in your own eyes…”

Short cuts in your work life, your home life, children’s lives or church life will bring forth poor results.  Take time to seek Him, read His word and talk with Him … often.  Then, as we all will need to do, use the UNDO daily.

(Disclaimer:  NO, this was not inspired by any of my friends who happen to have high school and college graduations right now :-D).